The happenings of my extraordinary dramatic life.

Clearing Kpop Stuff

2011-10-30T22:46:00.066+08:00

Singapore Residents only, Thanks.
Twitter : @Esperadaxy
Email : dhatsying.o4@hotmail.com
Reasonable negotiation might be possible; almost everything are new.

@fiveintheblack (danica) - $284 (reserved)
@ad3chia - $8
@Valesha - $20
@Nicole - $36 (reserved)
@readysetdrool - $6

Posters

Buy more than 4 posters (free 1):
Play with GD&TOP
SNSD - Hoot
Super Junior Supershow 2
2AM - Saint O' Clock
~~CN Blue - First Step~~
Junior Magazine Poster - Kim Jaejoong ; 2PM

2 for $6 / 4 for $10

Big Bang - 4th album (x 2)
Beast - Lights Go On Again (x 1)
FT Island - Return
ZE:A - Exciting
Kim Junsu - Mozart musical; White (x 1)~~Kim Junsu - Mozart musical; White (x 1)~~
Kim Junsu - Mozart musical; Black (x 4)~~Kim Junsu - Mozart musical; Black (x 1)~~
f(x) - Pinocchio; Victoria
Big Bang - 4.5 album (x 2)
~~DBSK - Mirotic Concert (x 1)~~
~~AADBSK (x 1)~~
Super Junior - Mr. Simple Version A (x 3)
2PM - Hands Up (x 2) /damaged at text area/
MBLAQ - Mona Lisa
~~DBSK - Keep Your Head Down Normal Edition~~
~~SHINee - Lucifer Japanese /folded/~~
2NE1 - 2nd Mini Album (x 3)

below poster choices are : purchase with purchase
- only available if you buy in (4 for $10) bundle with 2 or more posters chosen from above

Park Jungmin - Turn Me On
Lee Seunggi - Tonight
Jay Park - Abandoned
Super Junior - Mr. Simple Version B (x 2)
~~DBSK - Tone~~
B1A4 - It's B1A4
U-Kiss - Neverland (x 5)
JYJ - In Heaven (x 4)~~JYJ - In Heaven (x 1)~~
~~JYJ - In Heaven Black (x 1)~~

---

Albums

Others:
$15 - FT Island Return (sealed)
$15 - Dream High OST (sealed)
$14 - Dalmatian Dalmatian (sealed)
$14 - f(x) Pinocchio (unsealed)
$5 - Brave Girls Do You Know (unsealed)
$5 - SNSD Mr. Taxi Japan Press (x 4) (unsealed, no photocard)

Friends':
$16 - Beast Mastermind (unsealed)
$40 - U-Kiss Only One (AUTOGRAPHED) (unsealed)

---

Merchandise

$20 - Beast Official Clear File Set (x 3) *sealed
$15 - 2PM Polaroids (full set)
$8 - High Cut (ft. You're beautiful cast)
~~$8 - Hongki Skull Necklace (gold)~~
QYOP - Super Junior BIC3 + Poster

DONG BANG SHIN KI

Albums

Tohoshinki - (Changmin) Two Hearts/Wild Soul *sealed
$16

Tohoshinki - (Yuchun) Runaway/My Girlfriend *sealed
$16

Tohoshinki - Shine/Ride On (CD) Japan Press *sealed
$16

Tohoshinki - My Destiny (CD+DVD) Japan Press *unsealed
$15

Dong Bang Shin Ki - Superstar (CD+DVD) Korea Press *sealed
$20

Dong Bang Shin Ki - O. Jung. Ban. Hup (Version A) *sealed -reserved-
$18

Dong Bang Shin Ki - O. Jung. Ban. Hup (Version B) *sealed -reserved-
$18

Tears Of Heaven OST (With photobook ft. Junsu) *sealed
$14

DVDs

JYJ - Thanksgiving live in Tokyo Dome DVD *sealed -reserved-
$84

JYJ - 3hree Voices Season 1 Japan Press *sealed -reserved-
$200

Others

JYJ Jaejoong Lightstick (x 2) *sealed
$10

Cassiopeia Winged Heart Lightstick *sealed
$10

TVXQ (words only) Lightstick *sealed
$10

Kim Jaejoong Intermodulation Canvas Bag *sealed
$12

Kim Jaejoong Double Handcuffs Necklace
$12

Kim Jaejoong Black Unicorn Necklace
$12

SUPER JUNIOR

Albums

Mr. Simple Version A (Siwon) *sealed
$22

Mr. Simple Version A (Heechul) *sealed
$24

Photobooks

Supershow 3 Photobook *sealed
$42

Boys In City Season 3 (Hong Kong) *sealed
$50

List of things I've yet to buy

2011-08-19T20:47:00.005+08:00

DBSK

Album
Tri-Angle (released 2004) /CD/
Rising Sun (released 2005) / CD & CD+VCD/
"O"-Jung.Ban.Hap. Version A (released 2006) /CD+Photos/
"O"-Jung.Ban.Hap. Version B (released 2006) /CD+DVD+Postcards/
"O"-Jung.Ban.Hap. Version C (released 2006) /CD+DVD/
"O"-Jung.Ban.Hap Version D (released 2006) /CD+DVD+Photos/
Mirotic Version A (released 2008) /CD+Photobook/
Mirotic Version B (released 2008) /CD+DVD/
Mirotic Version C (released 2008) /CD+Photobook/
Mirotic Version D (released 2008) /CD+DVD/

Mini Album
The... (released 2010) /CD & CD+DVD/

Singles & Others
The Christmas Gift (released 2004) /EP/
Somebody To Love (released 2005) /CD/
Purple Line (released 2008) /CD & CD+DVD/
Survivor (released 2009) /CD & CD+DVD/
Toki O Tomete (released 2010) /CD & CD+DVD/
Xiah (released 2010) /CD & CD+DVD/

DVD
All About Dong Bang Shin Ki (Season 1)
All About Dong Bang Shin Ki (Season 2)
Dong Bang Shin Ki History In Japan (Vol. 1)
Dong Bang Shin Ki History In Japan (Vol. 2)
Dong Bang Shin Ki History In Japan (Vol. 3)
Dong Bang Shin Ki History In Japan (Vol. 4)
Dong Bang Shin Ki History In Japan (Special)
Dong Bang Shin Ki 2nd Asia Tour Concert - "O"
Tohoshinki 1st Live Tour 2006 - " Heart, Mind and Soul"
Tohoshinki 2nd Live Tour 2007 - "Five In The Black"
Tohoshinki 3rd Live Tour 2008 - "T"
Tohoshinki 4th Live Tour 2009 - "The Secret Code~ Final In Tokyo Dome"

Super Junior

Album
SuperJunior05(Twins) (Released 2005) /CD/
Don't Don Version 1 (Released 2007) /CD/
Don't Don Repackaged Version 2 (Released 2007) /CD/
~~Don't Don Repackaged Version 3 (Released 2007) /CD+DVD/~~
Sorry Sorry Version A (Released 2009) /CD/
Sorry Sorry Version B (Released 2009) /CD/
SJ-M 迷 (Released 2008) /CD/

Single & Others
SJ-H Cooking? Cooking! (Released 2008) /EP/
SJ-M Super Girl (Released 2009) /EP/
SJ-T Rokuko (Released 2007) /CD+DVD/

What's your problem?

2011-07-18T00:55:00.002+08:00

Apparently I don't know what is my problem, I'm not losing my interest in Kpop but reverting to my previous self that I think that the things I bought aren't worth my money. I'm currently clearing my stuff and it seems like I have a lot of junk to clear away, well, not really junk.. rather, it's my treasure. I feel that I don't need to buy a lot of stuff that I actually bought.

I don't understand why the fuck do people need so many of one thing. Seriously? If people would stop spending so much money on Kpop, they'd probably be a lot richer. I'm only buying the things I want really badly. Feel so dumb to buy so things for nothing. Why can't people have more common sense? It's so frustrating to see people waste money just like that. Scratch that, is fucking annoying the shit out of me.

It's bullshit to say that you want everything that badly. Kids nowadays don't know how to save and they freak when they need money. Freaking teenagers now are not fucking five. Grow some brains and stop buying everything that catches your eye if you cannot afford it. Starving yourself and all that shit is just unhealthy. Doing it for someone who don't even know you, you're insane.

I don't deny that I was once like that, I was crazy and all those shit. But at least you learn. There are more things that should be put on prior to Kpop. Those who don't even fucking know how to get their own money and demands for their parents' money all the time, simply pisses the fuck out of me. Ungrateful brats.

I'm so annoyed that I don't even know what the fuck I just blogged, whatever.

Regards to Code V's cover of "Love In The Ice"

2011-07-03T13:54:00.005+08:00

If you haven't watch it : http://youtu.be/ls36OD-GvrA

I woke up to angry tlist swearing at Code-V singing Love In The Ice. I was quite happy rolling around in bed to go to my laptop and watch the video, even though I could have watched it on my iPhone, but yeah.. I'm just lazy okay? Anyway, as I was saying, many people on my tlist were super pissed of just because they sang DBSK's Love In The Ice. I found it really really really (see my emphasis?) ridiculous.

Some told me because they covered DBSK songs, some told me because they didn't sang with emotion and insulted DBSK indirectly and etc. But, seriously? I thought they were being unreasonable. Logically speaking, it's just a freaking cover! I don't get why they must get their panties in a bunch. Just because previously they said about being mistaken as DBSK that fans just pointed their bazookas at them. I don't see people bashing those who covered DBSK's songs (even though they sang terribly) on YouTube. It's of obvious double-standards.

I don't find them covering the song a big deal, I've listened to it already. I thought was quite amusing. Why do those people like to make themselves so worked up? Take a chill pill and don't take things so seriously. I found out that there guys in Code-V sounded a little like Yunho and Yoochun. (Oh, start bashing me, will you?) Back to the point, I was trying not to laugh out loud because they couldn't reach Changmin's screaming notes, and can barely reach the rest. But honestly, the Yoochun part was quite impressive, the guy is sure loud! The rest of them, either they aren't that confident like DBSK or something, I could only hear mumbles.

Another part where I found it amusing is that it started off in Korean, and ended in Japanese? Haha, I don't know, sorry. I just find it really funny! It's just weird with the language change. I mean, hell, why should I get my panties in a bunch where it brightens up my day? I'm not even angry with them, I admire them for their courage it attempting this cover. I'm really proud of my DBSK boys and no doubt that Love In The Ice is one of my faves. Being the best meaning that there will be many others who want to be like them, and Code-V is just one of them. One of them said "Don't even dream of surpassing DBSK." I beg to differ, because that's what they are suppose to do. In life, we aim for the best.

I salute B2UTYs for being able to do anything for the pride of their boys. I hope Cassiopeia will not stoop so low, I always believe I'm in a fandom that is the pride of their idols. Don't be immature to prove me wrong.

Delusional

2011-06-09T04:47:00.005+08:00

It will never be the same.
You know it, I know it.
So let's stop pretending alright?
Was never a part, and never will be. Farewell.

Think what you want
Feel what you feel
I've closed my heart
and that's all to you
No need for excuses
No need for lies
Because hell, there is no
turning back in time.

Shit happens, and we just have to fuck ourselves.

2011-06-02T01:06:00.005+08:00

Yes, I know, life sucks. Too bad we're all stuck in this shit hole together, it makes it even worse right?

It's not like I have a choice over what the fuck it's happening.

Feel My Pain.

498th Post on my dead blog.

2011-04-05T00:07:00.027+08:00

Clearance!!

My kpop bbs' stuff are too expensive you see, haha.

Albums

All without photocard :

$5 - SJ-M Perfection TW ver x 1
$5 - SJ-M Perfection KOR ver x 1
$5 - Super Junior Bonamana Version B x 2
-
$15 - Keep Your Head Down Repackaged x 2
$20 - GD&TOP High High (red design & factory sealed)
$30 - CN Blue First Step Limited Edition (factory sealed)

Posters (quantity all unknown)

Get like... a bunch of posters or something.
It'd be just a waste of time to specially pass you one poster or something. :/

$2 - Dream High OST Poster
$2 - Big Bang Tonight Poster
$2 - Beast Lights Go On Again Poster
$2 - Homin Keep Your Head Down (Special Edition) Poster
$4 - Big Bang Tonight 4.5 Poster
$4 - YG Family 2010 Concert Poster
$5 - AADBSK 3 Poster
$5 - SHINee Concert Bromite (Taemin)
$5 - SuperShow 2 DVD Poster
$5 - Kim Junsu "Mozart" Musical Poster (Black/White)

Merchandise

$10 - SuperShow 3 Clear Files (Sungmin/Yesung)
$18 - CECI March 2011 (Inclusive of JYJ Bromide) x 2
$3 - Postman To Heaven Postcards x 2 {Xue Er(1)}

The approaching 2011

2010-12-27T10:33:00.005+08:00

Life, is too fast to slow down.

Christmas has passed, now you can see the new year approaching, slowly creeping up on you and gives you the shock of your 2011 life. There are too many things happening, when you slow down, you can't catch up. I've grown to accept life is this way, and there is no use brooding over things that have happened. As someone said, the damage is done. No use crying of spilled milk, so I'm going to embrace 2011 as I have many goals I want to achieve. Even though I know that somewhere, something, somehow will manage to throw me off my pace in life, but it's okay, I just know that I'd eventually survive.

In this coming 2011, I can see many releases of albums. I've purchased so many things that my mummy will probably kill me if she knows about it. But it's okay, I'm rich enough to pay them off by my own means. I swiped about $2.5K off her credit card already, though I have about 2K in my bank account, I have to pay her back soon, or when she reached her credit limit it'll be hard for me to swipe for more purchases. I'm kind of scary aren't I? Haha, just a while I have been neglecting my blog, there I go, becoming a shopaholic. I'm wondering what am I going to do next year when I sign my own credit card.

Anyway, I am so irritable these days, it's either my expectations of others is too high or they are too dumb to do something right. There are many people who are very inefficient, and it's pisses me off because I know I can do a better job than them, but why can't they be more efficient? Another thing, because of Amanda and her SNSD, my shipment is delayed. Oh well, I'll just have to wait, wait and continue to wait. I suddenly thought of that we'll be having some stupid class gathering thingy on Wednesday, apparently the plans have been continuously changed and now I'm not even sure if it is still going on. This is very retarded.

My goals for 2011: Learn Korean, learn Japanese, save enough money to get SS3 Merchandise, save enough money to go for JYJ concert (omg, I can't wait to see them again!). What else? ... Hmm, save enough money to go on a clique overseas trip in March. Ah well, I'll do them somehow, I'm determined enough to do all these.

Things that I'm expecting in 2011: My Jaejoong Intermodulation Photobook, see Eunhyuk in SS3, play at the Genting Theme Park again, seeing JYJ in their concert (hopefully I can see chunface again, and also duckbutt!). Gah, I don't know, there are too many things I want and hope for.

I. CAN'T. WAIT. TO. SEE. THE. PICTURES. IN. JAEJOONG'S. INTERMODULATION. PHOTOBOOK. (:

Bye.

Suicide

2010-12-18T16:34:00.002+08:00

Is this hard to believe? I'm suppose to be an optimist, yet I had suicidal thoughts few days ago.

I kept thinking, and thinking, and thinking. What is going to happen? What am I going to do? Because of my stupid habit, I'm always thinking, always considering new possibilities and ways to counter them. I kept letting myself get bothered with this. I thought of killing myself, I really did. Then it came to me, "Won't my mother be sad?", "How will she cope with it?", "Am I determined to just kill myself?", "Have I done living?". Therefore I didn't haul myself off the building.

It is easy to die, it is easy to live as well. But I know that I shouldn't let other people's judgments affect me, or make me falter in keeping my existence in this world. I posted on Twitter, that I was having suicidal thoughts, and many friends came to comfort me and etc. I felt really useless for even having these thoughts. It isn't wrong to make a stupid judgment, it isn't wrong to make a mistake, it isn't wrong to live your life, it isn't wrong to be human. I'm no longer afraid of my future, neither am I afraid of life. I forced myself to enjoy the days that I am entitled to, before my life was claimed back.

Mitigating? This is a joke. Judging me, and deciding my punishment or whatever upon that? That is a bigger joke. Why should I do that? After having suicidal thoughts, nothing scares me. I'm not afraid of what will be thrown in my face, I've grown to be emotionless. I might be frustrated, but no more. It is time to stop. The next time I'm facing those people whom I have no relation to, and I actually hate them because of the things that they've said. I even prepared my speech, lol much.

I have nothing more to say, I've read the statement, and I've signed it. Which also in a way means that I agree to whatever that is written there, even though the details may or may not be the exact truth. If they were to ask me if I have anything to say to mitigate, I'd tell them straight in the face. I have nothing to mitigate, why should I do that when I already have agreed to whatever is written in the statement? Mitigating, it means to play the sympathy card and being pathetic to try and get a lighter punishment. In this case, am I suppose to bawl like a baby and say that I'm in the wrong, I'm sorry and I deserve to die? By doing this doesn't mean that the person knows that he/she is wrong, it is just showing that he/she is still trying to wriggle out of this mess. Since people will judge whatever you were to say and it's subjected to them, what makes you so sure that they will give you the benefit of the doubt? I can say that I understand that I'm in the wrong, but they might not necessary believe. You get what I mean? So, there is no point in doing anymore useless things. This is this.

Mummy is telling me to control my attitude and not making this whole fuck mess worse. I admit that I am stubborn. I stick to what I believe more than what I should believe. I don't like to suck up to people, neither do I like to endure all the shit that is thrown to me. I am 17, age cannot be determined how your brain works. Being a boot-licker you'll survive in this world, it is a choice of being pathetic and survive or being yourself and try to survive. I choose the latter. I will not submit myself to these crap, not to these assholes, not to the society, not to anyone.

After having suicidal thoughts, my mood has been fluctuating. It has been a toll to my mental health. I have consumed a lot of sugar in attempt to make myself happier. Things aren't going as smoothly as I thought, I just hope I won't think of dying any time soon. I'm just going to work my butt off this holiday, work on songs. Music is my escape, it is my reflection, my everything.

Crap

2010-12-14T20:58:00.004+08:00

There are a lot of things happening these few days. I can't express how pissed off I am. I don't really care about what others think, what others want to say. I just have to accountable to myself, and that is all that matters. People can go fuck themselves or whatever for all I care, I don't give a damn.

I got into some shit recently. I'm still waiting for the results. It depends, not on me though. Sigh. Oh well, there is nothing to be done other than wait. So I'm not going to care about this already. As I've mentioned, social networking and whatever that people post online is not safe. Who knows some weird psycho stalks your blog or whatever? So kids shouldn't be so dumb to post all sorts of rubbish online, you might just get into trouble with your school or whatever, it only depends if they are going to be anal or not.

I'm really sick of Singapore, and Singapore school's screwed system. I want to go abroad and study, but my mum doesn't really think that is a good idea. It depends if I want to spend 2 more grueling years in my current school which is RP, being unhappy about almost everything and put a toll on my mental health. Why not? I was thinking of going to Korea. I might have to work to repay my CPF study loan and earn money before I can apply for the school as well. By the time I finished, I'd probably graduated from RP (if I did not quit school). Which is moronic.

If the remaining of the semester doesn't turn well, I really hope I'd get into some freak accident and die or something. Life sucks, being human sucks, subjected to other humans' views sucks as well. Well, I hope everything would just fucking get over with it. Why must my life be so dramatic? Why? Maybe there are people out there waiting for me to snap, break down and fucking commit suicide or something? Who really knows? Those that are sick in the mind, probably enjoying watching others' misery play like a movie before their eyes.

I'm so annoyed that I don't even know what I'm typing. If time would turn back, I wouldn't change much, I only hope I studied for O levels so I don't have to end up in RP. People told me that the school is okay, not that bad. And I'm that naive to believe them. Even though I very much appreciate the air-conditioned environment, but it's as if they didn't turn in on, it's so hot everyday, what? I'm not paying enough school fees for you to lower the temperature? Worse still, stuck in a classroom, with windows that can't be opened, air-conditioned campus. Just let me die. Even when you need some fresh air, you couldn't obtain it.

The latecoming and whatever UT system is as screwed up. Daily grades as well. Your life is determined by how capable you are of sucking up, in other words, boot licking. Apparently, you can say that I'm stubborn, or I refuse to lower myself to these kind of actions. By not talking loudly in class, or being "enthusiastic" gives you a bad grade. Most probably a C. Nice right? Even when you're more active than you usually are, I suppose the facilitators are blind. I've been getting a lot of Cs and everything. I'd probably fail my modules this semester as well. I have no idea why as well.

If neverland was real, I hope Peter Pan brings me there. I don't want to grow up, just let me forever be secondary 4. Where fun is at its peak. Not like now where you have to worry about miscellaneous things which wouldn't even make any significant changes. This is how fucked up life is.

Today, I don't intend to even attempt my DMA work. I'm not in the mood. Since I'm not in the mood, I don't think I'd even want to go school tomorrow, or the rest of the week. Who cares if it's the last lesson of the module for 2010? I don't care. It'd be the best if it's the last day of school for my years in RP. I'd never lay a step in RP after I graduate, I swear on my life. This is how determine I am, and this is how much I hate the school.

Oh, FML.

2010-12-12T23:47:00.003+08:00

Hi, totally true shit. What the fuck am I doing with my life? I have to buck up, even though I really hate talking to my classmates, I have no idea why. I don't hate them or anything, maybe some of them are a little annoying, but, it's just that I don't feel the sense of belonging you know? So, I don't feel like talking, and I don't want to talk.

I'm getting a lot of bullshit grades because I've demoted myself from a chiongster in Sem 1 to a slack in Sem 2. Worse part is, I'm not even enjoying doing all these junk. I want my grades to be okay and not like crap. What to do when you don't talk much, your stupid facilitators will just say that you lack participation and slap you with a big fat C. Life just kinda sucks like that.

And to a specific bunch of people, you guys are annoying the fuck out of me. Just get your fucking butts and talk whatever shit you have with each other through. So what now? Just leaving it like this for the rest of your/our lives? This is totally screwed up. I don't intend to join you guys in anything, I don't have the mood to be included in anything if it's still this fucked up. When you're guys are done clearing things up, then you look for me, if you never ever going to clear things up, then I doubt you'll ever have the chance to look for me again. If it means that losing me as a friend or me losing you as a friend, so be it. I have my own things to stress about and you're adding on my burden (though I'd very much not use this word because it means that you're being an extra baggage in my life, I don't have that wide vocab to replace this word, you should know that I don't mean it that way) by being immature. Kthxbai.

Change for the better, bitch. You know you need to do this.

Supershow 3 Madness

2010-11-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I've blogged. I've been so busy with everything that I've neglected my blog for so long. Many things have happened since my last update, since it has been so long, I've forgotten most of the things that I'd have wanted to blog.

I went to queue for SS3 tickets, and I was supposed to get 16. I only got 4. Which sucks big time, caused I queued the whole night and I have to buy 12 more. Although everyone was like if cannot get then just refund the money lor etc, but I said I'd help them get so I'll try my best. If I have too little tickets, I'll just leave myself out of SS3 then, I won't want to go with all the guilt and stuff.

I don't know what else to say. I'm super tired right now. I have a lot of things to do and UT1(s) are pissing the hell out of me. Maybe because I'm missing too many days of school, but still.. sigh! And another part is, I think I'm skipping class on Tuesday to buy camp at home to buy SS3 tickets because the retarded Rpnet sucks to the core. After that I have to go back to school for UT. Damn, it's so annoying.

To be honest, I freaking hate the exam system in RP, seriously. Oh well, whatever. I don't want to talk more about anything already. My throat hurts, I'm tired and I'm all stressed up. I swear I deserve a full body massage or something right now. Even my waist is aching, stupid back, it's not helping me in anyway, dumb. Bye.

Twitter Life

2010-10-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

My best friend and I

Lol, in any case if anyone is wondering, my best friend is female and she is a butch. I am not ashamed of her and I don't get why anyone should judge her or myself as well. That's all. Hahaha, you know what, my best friend is such a bitch sometimes. I still love her, that pig. Oh, and I'm not a lesbian -.-

My twitter life!

I have not been blogging for such a long time and I know I said that I'd do up a post about my twitter life and I want to talk about my awesome tweeples. Seriously, I can't even remember a day without tweeting. I suppose that is how I got more than 21k tweets.

I don't remember when I joined twitter and the process of being addicted to it. I hardly even remember how I discovered Twelfs and somehow became a translator. I had my twitter account long ago, but I never got the hang of it. After being addicted to it, I tweet a lot, and every single day.

I met awesome people from Twitter, Twelfs, and somehow SJsubs too. They are Uti umma, Christy, Chrissy, Danica, Marion, Cheryl C, Cheryl, Gemmi, Bang, Shelley, Dea, Mish, Lotte, Shan, Brenda, Yuxin, Diana, Denise, and others whom I missed out.

They are my ahjummas, and I have no idea what twitter would be like without them. There are so many memories that I've created with them. Firstly from creating the term ahjummas, haha. Then we have spazzing sessions, we talk about random things and probably everything under the sun. From Super Junior, SHINee, Chemistry, Nutella, Gmarket, all sorts of topics.

We care for each other, we support each other and we entertain each other. To be honest, though we are really friends from online and stuff, it doesn't feel like it. It feels as if we are really a huge family and all. We probably don't know how each other look like at first, and we haven't even seen each other. We are all in different countries, we live in different places, study in different places. It's really magical that how we can all be a bunch of family-like friends.

We might not be as close as a friend who is with you for 10 years or whatever, we definitely have a unique but strong bond. I'm not sure how long till we stop talking to each other or anything. But I'm really glad that I met them, virtually. I hope this would continue, for the next 20 years or even longer.

Photos!!!

2010-10-24T14:47:00.007+08:00

Photos from the JYJ showcase.

Nothing much happened these days, maybe some things that make my head hurt? Lol. No matter what, yesterday I received an email and a huge weight has been taken off my chest, super good news. I'm so busy nowadays and I have so many things to do, but I'm not sure how to do them. The ticket sales of SS3 is coming and even though I have enough money, I hope that I can be able to buy them.

I don't know what else to say, shall not say anything for now. I'm dedicating my life to Kpop now, I am always on my laptop, always emailing people, always settling things and all. Well, I'm glad that I'm actually doing something constructive.

Oh, and I'm considering if I should take up Korean lessons with Diana. But I'm not sure if I have enough money, shall discuss it with my mum. Even though I'm quite skeptical about it as the teacher would be the translator at JYJ's Showcase, hmm, will think about, seriously.

Bye now.

PS: Don't mind my photos, I was having the stupid eye infection then, which also explains why I wasn't wearing any contact lens or eyeliner etc.

JYJ Singapore Showcase -16th October 2010

2010-10-16T23:59:00.005+08:00

Today is 16th October 2010, it is also the day when JYJ (who are also, Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun and Kim Junsu) came to Singapore for their album "The Beginning" showcase. Today is like the best day that I've ever experienced, even with the not-so-good seat, all the fangirls screaming their heads off and people blocking my view, I'm very glad that I spent the money to see them. I'm going to start from the time I woke up, so it's going to be a very long post.

I woke up about 12pm, I texted my friend Diana, asking if I should go down to the airport to fetch them as she told me last night that she will be going down. I waited, and waited, but she didn't reply me, so I didn't go. I was thinking of going for my friend's birthday celebration (I'm sorry, qq.) but they told me it's in the evening, so I couldn't make it. Diana texted me and told me that she just woke up, so I'll meet her at the Expo first at about 4pm. However, she changed it to 4.30pm. I used my laptop for awhile, finished my shows and went out, though I was late, I reached about 4.45pm or so. I called her, and she told me she haven't reach, so she arrived about 5pm. Okay.

I met her and her friend (She is a VIP ticket holder!) at the Expo and we walked to Foyer 1, which was where we have to collect our onetvxq shirts, project 'w' chocolates, lightsticks and horns. After walking for a super long time, we reached Foyer 1 and tried to find the stairs to level 2. So after we went there, collected the things and we went to this secluded area to change and everything. We ended up spending about 2 hours there, writing fan letters, take photographs and talk about random things.

About 7pm we started walking to level 1, and as we walked past the doors to the venue, we hear music, Junsu's voice and hell load of bass, so we assumed that they are rehearsing but we can't stay and hear long enough before the security guard chased us away. Then, we went to queue at "Texas Chicken", thought of getting takeaway and wait while queuing to enter the showcase venue since there are a lot of people queuing already, since about 4pm? After waiting for about 20 minutes and shortly after Diana's other friends arrived, we decided to just eat after the showcase. We went to find the queue, because there are thousands of people. I wanted to give a shot and ask where Eunice was, since she was always going for the showcase. Thank goodness that she was about the first few, like 30th? We waited for more than 30 minutes and it's they said to open doors at 6.30pm.

When doors started to open, the queue started to move, however they had bag checks, though it's only shining the torch to have a glance and all, lol. After I went in, it was huge, empty and yeah. There was this booth selling JYJ albums, (Standard + Luxury = $100) 60 lucky people who bought the bundle has a chance to get a handshake with JYJ, and I spent $91 getting a Luxury album from Yes Asia, life sucks, I know right. I was supposedly to be seated at the aisle, so I didn't go to my seat first, instead I loitered around as I called Denise bb. She got herself Cat A tickets too! It was rather cold, and I was walking around and everything. Haha. My first reaction was "my seat is so far away!!!!!" Lol. Diana's seat was like, sooooo much better. After that more and more people got in and many was queuing at the booth to get JYJ albums.

The host called "ken" or someone came out and reminded that there are no recording of any kind and etc. After that he disappeared, lol. After some time, he came out again, he said to hurry be seated so that the showcase to start and stuff. Yeah, after that he came and talked a lot of stuff, like tell us to prepare 3 acts. First act was to say "Annyonghaseyo" together. Second act was to say "Saranghaeyo Jaejoong Yoochun Junsu" together. Third act was to sing the chorus of "Ayy girl" together. Lol. The host asked how many copies of luxury version are there. It's 99,999. So he asked how many 9s are there, and of course everyone shouted 5. Then he said that 5 is a special number, crowd cheers and goes crazy, then after that we countdown from 5.

Then after that the showcase started, JYJ came out, everyone was screaming like mad, lightsticks are frantically waving, I even had my horns on! They performed "Empty", "Be The One" and "Be My Girl". Seeing is believing right? But after seeing them on stage, on the screens and you definitely wouldn't believe that they are right before you. It's like a temporary stun spell. I was smiling widely, waving my lightstick and looking at them performing. My mind went blank.

After that they disappeared and they played some videos and messages kind of thing. The host said about the song sequence, lol! First JYJ felt "Empty", then they saw a girl they like, so they ask the girl to "Be The One" then after that they ask her to "Be My Girl". LOL, something like that. After that, they came out again, and introduced themselves. There's this part where Junsu introduced himself in Korean, "Hi, I'm Kim Junsu." or something like that, then Yoochun commented, "What kind of introduction is that?" (*squeals!* Yoosu!) Then it's like the interview thingy. The host asked JYJ, "What are your ideal type?" Junsu was so shy! Jaejoong too, and Yoochun was just being Yoochun. They were all too shy to answer, Jaejoong looked at Yoochun, and Yoochun signaled Jaejoong to answer, and I think Jaejoong doesn't want to be the first one, so he looked at Junsu and signaled him to answer. Haha, and Junsu was so lost. He asked the translator if it's about appearance or other aspects. Junsu answered that he doesn't really care about the appearance, just when he see the girl he likes, the feeling just goes "bam! she's the one" kind.

Jaejoong answered with the "pretty hands". I had the urge to shout "Yunho!" but, you know, I didn't. After that, Yoochun answered with outgoing personality, then he and his cheeky self said that this is the first time he came to Singapore and his first reaction was "Wow~" Haha. Then the crowd goes mad, again! Hehe. After other questions, which Jaejoong kept pushing them to Junsu, and one where host asked "how do you feel___?", and I thought I heard Yoochun said "Sexcited." HAHA! Then the host asked us to do the 3 acts.

First with "Annyonghaseyo", Yoochun answered "Annyonghaseyo" back and Junsu waved. Followed by, "Saranghaeyo Jaejoong Yoochun Junsu", Yoochun said "Jaejoong... Ju.. Yoochun.. Junsu?" Then the crowd goes mad and screams are heard. Third act which is the biggest fail, because not everyone knows how to sing (like me) "Ayy Girl" chorus. So it went like this .. "Ayy Girl! %#$%#$#$... HAHAHAHAHA" Lol. Then the host was like ZZZ, then Yoochun said "It's like ... they are not singing" I guess they tried again. There goes again.. "Ayy Girl! #$%#%#$ " Though they can hear those from the front, but most of the people don't know how to sing. The host said that the fans are singing a remix, lol! The fans remix went like this "Ayy Girl!~ Ahhhhhhh!!!!!" Lol. Junsu lowered his head (He LOL-ed) and Yoochun was like, clapping. After that the host asked Junsu how did the audience sound, Junsu raised his head then he said "very good~" HAHA. Adorable dolphin!

-added-
The host asked the fans from different countries. China, then few people screamed. Process repeats for Hong Kong, Tai Wan, Korea, etc. Singapore was called and most of the fans screamed (duh!), then after that Spain, there's also people screaming, lol. Then Jaejoong shouted Korea! Then everyone screamed, hahaha! The host commented that everyone suddenly became Koreans. -end-

After that the lights went off and they sang "Found", I tried to sing along, but many fans just kept screaming. Yeah. After that they sang "Ayy Girl"! I can't remember what they talked about anymore. The video kinda thingy, and they said about dreams and stuff, crowd keeps screaming. I'll always remember that Yoochun ended with "Always keep the faith!" then crowd goes mad again. So after talking they sang Empty (remix), even though Quest did mention not to stand or stand on the chairs, there is this one part where Yoochun shouted "Everybody stand!" (or something like that), everyone immediately stood up, nobody cared about Quest and their annoying security guards. Since everyone stood up, I'm short, so I can't see, therefore the girl beside me and I stand on the chair. I was waving my lightstick like mad and when the part "jump jump jump jump" We jumped on the chairs and stuff. Suddenly the girl beside me asked if I want to go in front, then I said, "okay!" Then we grabbed our bags and ran to the front (as many people already did). So we were like jumping in front, like in a concert. I SAW YOOCHUN'S FACE AND JAEJOONG'S FACE. After that jumping for a few minutes then the song ended, they went to the top level and they disappeared into the ground.

After that I went back to my seat which is quite far away and rested a while. Then I went to search for Diana. Then we were loitering around as people started to leave the hall. We were thinking maybe there's an encore or something, but I guess not. Haha. We stayed till the end, and went off, after that we went to this area where the VIP people are suppose to come out. This girl was making a big fuss, crying and everything. So I went to see what happened, it was said that there is no photographing session. Quest cancelled it without informing the VIP ticket holders, a lot people is pissed. Many people after hearing the girl's story stood on the girl's side (of course! Cassies should stick together.) then she was like "Riot!" Lol. That kind of thing. She's a small girl, about 13 years old? Many people are displeased at Quest's actions.

Then we followed the girl, but we lost her, so we went to the coach bay, happened that JYJ already left, so we decided to go off. Since it's late about almost 11pm so we just went home without eating dinner. Anyway, one thing I didn't talk about was the 'W' project. As the people behind me were standing, I didn't manage to see the W. Very disappointed, I hope someone took a picture or something. Oh and the last song, not only everyone stood up, ran around, stood on chairs but cameras are all swiftly taken out. Since there are thousands of fans and it's chaotic, the security personnel did nothing, lol. Doubt they dare to anyway. That's all.

My fingers hurt, but still.. I SAW YOOCHUN AND JAEJOONG'S FACE. AND IT'S NOT FROM THE SCREEN. OH MY FRIGGIN HOLY SHISUS! O: Sad that I didn't see my Su bb. But still, they are such hot pieces of sex. They said that they might come back next year for concert. *faints!*

I saw them, in real life. I really did. I cannot believe it. But now it's all over. It's all for the experience. I enjoyed it while it lasted. They confirmed their existence in my fantasy-like world. My next stop would be SuperShow 3.

QUEST IS A BIG FAT LIAR.

I'll upload pictures next time, they are still with Diana.

Bullshit.

2010-10-10T19:57:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging. Yes, that sucks a lot. I don't have much to blog about during the holidays because I'm working and doing a lot of shit. Ah well, I'm so tired, and in need of money. Why? Because I bought a JYJ limited edition album at about SGD 90+ and JYJ Singapore Showcase Cat A ticket at SGD 170. In total, I spent SGD 260+ on things that aren't needed. They are just wants.

-edited-
Anyway, tomorrow will be the Showcase. OMGOMGOMG. Okay, I can't wait. Anyway, I need to tell Juliet that I need someone to takeover my radio segment tomorrow. Crap. I forgot it's on a Saturday. Anyway, I don't have much to say for this post, shall skip it.

one week holiday

2010-09-26T22:50:00.003+08:00

I hope happy pills does exist, like this.

Firstly, I'm sick of all the drama that is happening in my life.

Secondly, I have my own things to worry about, goals to fulfill and such.

Thirdly, I can survive on my own, and I'm not afraid to do so.

Fourthly, I love my ahjummas. Uti said she wants to come over Singapore to spend the New Year with the SG ahjummas. So sweet of her!

Fifthly, Today is Stephen's birthday. (Happy birthday! ^^)

Sixthly, Tomorrow is Daisy's birthday. (Happy birthday Ho Chiu Wing ~ ^^)

Seventhly, I'm suppose to meet Nicholas soon, for dinner or lunch or something.

Eightly, I'm going to chiong work so I can get enough money to shop, eat, and go SS3, and buy concert merchandise!

Ninthly, I'm starting work at Sakae tomorrow.

Tenthly, I hope everything will go well for me this coming week.

Today is the "debut" broadcast of SPL radio, I'm not sure if there are any problems, I've done so many things and I hope it went smoothly. I hope people like the logo song too. And I wish people who are in my life can be more optimistic, especially Christy, my dongsaeng ahjumma (:

Anyway, my title "one week holiday" is like that because I have nothing scheduled this week, so I've been rotting at home. So yeah. :/ Thank Shisus that I have things to do this coming week!

That's all for today!

HAHA

2010-09-23T17:53:00.003+08:00

Okay, stupid picture, I know. :D

I'm happy. I don't know why. I guess I have a serious case of bipolar-ness. Lol. Anyway I told Cheryl about my secret ambition, and I'm glad that we have similar ambitions. I really hope we could fulfill our dreams next time. Anyway, I'm still a little bored from not being able to have any schedules. I need to discuss things and all.

I've got my radio dj schedule. 10-12 KST on Saturdays. Haha, ahjummas all say they can hear my voice every week. Hehe. I hope I won't freak out. Anyway, I can't wait for the time when everyone hears the logo song. ^^ I wanted to write more lyrics but I don't seem to have that urge or impulse, whatever it's called, so yeah. And Winglin died on me -.-

Anyway, I'm seriously being a lazybum and rotting home. Can't wait to go work. And I done my math, I'll have enough for Korean class and SS3. So yeah. I don't know what else to blog about today, nothing interesting happened in my boring life. :/

Oh, this quote from my maknae ahjumma's msn. I think it's really cute and funny :

"your knight in shining armour might just turn out to be a retard in tin foil"

quite true.

Ps: I would like weird people to stop posting on my cbox -.-

累.

2010-09-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

不知从何时，我感到累了，疲倦了。有时候我问了问自己，我到底活在世上是为了什么，我的使命是什么？虽然我不相信主，或什么神神鬼鬼的，我感到很好奇，把我放在这世上那个的人或是别的东西有什么目的？人生吗，多么得难以猜测。最近我认为发生了很多事件，我不曾为这种事而烦恼，但我渐渐发觉了我少了很多事情做。在这暑假中，我不是吃饱睡，就是睡饱吃。要不然就去做工，或者跟网上的朋友聊聊天。通常我想看的戏，我已失去了那股冲动把它全都看完。更可笑的是，人生短短，大不了六十多年，我却在这里，不知花我的时间在那里好。我想做很多事，但我不够资格，不够勇气，不够钱，不够毅力。我该怎么好呢？

最近，我想了很多。我想的是包括友情，梦想，未来。友情，可能为了很多的小事而累积成一件很大的问题。说出来只会把已经搞到很僵的友情搞得更僵。可是不说出来，难道，要这样一辈子吗？有时，干吗把一件简单又容易解决的问题弄成这样呢？不觉得累吗？这值得吗？就算是一了百了，日子会更好过吗？你会更开心吗？嗨．．．

我的梦想。只有少数人知道。是一个很不现实的梦想，根本都不像我一向的作风。这个梦想需要我的全部，可是一个我不够，应为我不知为什么，我一直感觉到我有很多事情需要我去做。我只能告诉自己要加油，其它的呢，我是能让时间帮我安排。既然这个梦想很不现实，我只好让我自己有一次的机会，我不能得寸进尺，担心会走火入魔。

我的未来没有任何的打算。我不知道我该从事哪一个行业，我现在是过一天算一天。船到桥头自然直？我觉得还是不要重视靠运气或命运的安排，你不知从何会被命运给刺一刀。我不相让命运掌握我的生命，我也不像没有我自己的主见。虽然路很长，也许也会很难走，我会坚强地走下去。

我的生命，我要为自己而活。笑着过一天，也是一天，我何必哭呢？我不需要为了别人而痛苦，因为到头来，别人是体会不了你的痛，而你也体会不了别人的快乐。

我，林欣颖，会坚强地过我的人生！

Longgggggggggg time, dead.

2010-09-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

Yes, that's it! I went to Universal Studios

Shrek 4-D. Stupid spiders ):

I went with my mother ^^

These few days I've been slacking because UT3 ended. Though I didn't put much effort in studying, still I hope for good (maybe passable) grades. It's been quite some time since holidays started, and I think about halfway through already? I dread going back to school though, I don't really like first meetings. (I certainly hope that there are people I know in my new class!)

I've been busy with SPL stuff recently, the radio logo song, the 5th anniversary and stuff. I've written the lyrics for the logo song. (can you even imagine it?! Lol.) I even sang some parts in it, though I sounded really horrible, and I don't know why. I've gone through and passed the audition for being a SPL radio DJ, though I'm already a translator. Haha!

It's good you know? I'm really glad that I'm involved in so many things, they keep me occupied and busy from boredom. I love holidays because I can stay up late, like now and wake up in the afternoon. But it gets boring sometimes. Haha, besides, I haven't really been doing a good job in contributing to SPL when everyone else are working their butts off :/

Anyway, I've got myself a new mic+headset thingy. Gosh, I spent like 30bucks on it. Never mind, it's worth it, I hope. It's better than the inbuilt mic that I have, so yeah, I can't hope for more. These few days I've been really on a temper streak. I can't stop getting pissed off.

I mean, seriously, so what if I'm optimistic? Can't optimistic people get pissed off? My sister is still a brat, a pain in the ass kinda brat. I got real angry today, or, just now. I gave short answers and ignore people etc. Well, can't blame me. It's better than screaming my head off in their faces. I'm really hungry right now, at this time it's 12.41am. I skipped dinner because I was too busy killing cells (being pissed).

I shall get something to eat now and take my disgusting-ugly-weird chinese medicine pills thingy.

Oh, just to mention, I went to the chinese physician the other day, and got a "massage" lol. Probably a better way to describe it, torture session. Okay, the guy kept rubbing my butt -.- Oh well, my back hurts like crap when he's treating me, my shoulders too. I could have died!

(Even though I'm known for being tofu-like, but it hurts like damn friggin much!)

Okay, I'm going to work my butt off to save for SS3 and whatsoever that is coming my way. Anywayyyyy! JYJ is going KL. I'm so going to friggin cry because I'm broke. Oh shisus, please let them come Singapore after SS3. )':

My 17th birthday

2010-09-04T23:59:00.003+08:00

The presents that I received.
(oh! LOOK AT MY 4JIB ALBUM. ^^)

Lol, the red packet that my mum gave me.

Twitter

Facebook

Thank you : 100 over people who wished me happy birthday (:

Let's start with events of the day.

1. Da jie (Adeline), May and Umma (Hayati) called me up at 11 plus to "discuss" on our trip to Korea in 2012. They put me into the conference but they didn't talk, though I heard some muffled giggles, but I didn't thought much of it. After that "1, 2, 3!" I heard Da jie said, then they started singing "Saengil Chukah Haminda". They were singing in Korean! Hehe, even the not so kpop-y May and the not Kpop-y Da jie. I was surprised (:

2. Then the texts started to come in, facebook wall posts, twitter, msn. Everyone just kept wishing me! I'm glad though, haha.

3. Woke up, online-d and saw a red packet that my mum left beside my laptop. Heh.

4. Diana asked me to meet her tomorrow 1pm at Tampines MRT station. I was late though, but I went, I called her and she told me she's walking over. In the end Joanna sotplug, Kai and Huiying appeared and acted as if it's all coincidental. Haha! I knew that I was going to meet them that day, but I didn't expect that Diana would be absent. They asked me to go for lunch and asked me what I wanted to eat, I said anything and Huiying said Ajisen. Haha, it was even more surprising because I didn't expect Huiting, Huey Shyan and Peipei to be there.

Had lunch at Ajisen, and they were doing many things which made me rather suspicious. Lol. Bryan, Corrine and Queenie came. After that Amanda came, she was half-dead because she went to queue for Kpop Night tickets, lol. After that Kai disappeared, then came back and disappeared again. Then after that Peipei and Sotplug disappeared and then they appeared with 4 pieces of cake. Okay, made a wish and blew out the candles. Have to take out the candle holder (great -.-), okay, then I got my face pushed into the cake(s), cleaned my face and I was asked to take the thing again, okay, so I attempted again, and (>:C!) I got my caked again.

Hmm, I swear I was a little frustrated already but then I just focus on cleaning my face and.. my shirt. After that I cut out the tiny part where the stupid holder was and took it out. (and finally without getting caked because there's no cake) I had make up on, so in the end I removed my make up due to the cake. The funniest part was when Kai placed a box and said that since I removed my make up then I might need it. Lol, guess what that was? It's a box of mascara, the new yellow one that has its advertisements on local tv. I literally lol-ed.

Ate cake received presents and went to walk a little around Tampines mall. Then they decided to go play Jubeat, I didn't go even though I wanted to cause I had to attend dinner, so I went off. After crossing the road, they screamed "Xinying! Happy birthday!" and omg, they screamed really loud. Lol, I waved at them and walked off. Haha. Wanted to play the bumper cars too, at the Pasar Malam, because I never play that before. :/ Didn't anyway cause it isn't ready yet.

5. Went for the auction dinner thingy and went home, used the computer, and found more people who wished me on facebook. Did the print screen and pasting thingy, then watched shows with my mum and I fell asleep. O:

That's all.
------------------------------------

Now for the thoughts :

Thank you for celebrating my birthday. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Thanks for the presents. Haha, I guess I'm not prone to show much emotions? Haha. But well, you don't know how happy I am. At the time where I least expected a surprise call. The time, money, energy and thought spent. Thank you very much. (:

Thank you my family.
Thank you my 2nd family.
Thank you my twitter ahjummas.
Thank you my SPL family.
Thank you my twitter buddies.
Thank you my classmates, ex-classmates, ex-schoolmates, schoolmates.
Thank you my not so close friends/acquaintances.
Thank you random people.

I love you guys even though you guys are a hell pain in the ass at times, and even annoy me till the brink of me murdering you and all, I love you guys. (:

I'm officially 17.

Wild Wild Wet outing & Dinner with 2nd family (:

2010-08-07T17:17:00.002+08:00

Wild Wild Wet outing :D

Dinner at BBQ Chicken.

Suppose to meet 2nd family at 11am at Downtown East, but my stupid phone hanged at the alarm page again. Then I woke up at 11.30am, and I received some texts and missed calls. Prepared and went out to catch a cab with Sotplug. When we reached there, Queenie, Huiying and Bryan haven't reach, so we waited. In the end around 1plus, 2pm, we finally went inside.

There are many funny things, weird things and maybe painful things? I realised that Wild Wild Wet is a place for people to be injured. Diana, Huiting and Corrine got injured. I didn't though, rather surprisingly, but my nails are ruined. Haha! Played till about 6pm. Stupid Amanda didn't come, Shumei and Simone also never go. :/ Ah well...

Bathed and went to BBQ chicken for dinner. Huey Shyan and Peipei came (: Had dinner, slacked awhile, went arcade then bus-ed home. Was rather tired because of we played very long in the water, I think. I'm like drained out, but I went home, had supper (well, because mum cooked dinner) and came online..

I enjoyed the outing very much, this is something I've been wanting since Secondary school. A big group of people that always hangout and create havoc. Secondary school isn't that much like my primary school because I don't know, I really really really like big groups. It really resembles a family, and these people are my second family. Even though I don't know them very well, or have I been together with them for very long, I'm really thankful that I have them.

Amanda Cheang, Joanna Low, Kai Seah (fake name, tsk!), Queenie Ng,
Corrine Tay,Chua Pei Er, Diana Tan, Lim Huiting,
Neo Huiying, Bryan C(?), Chua Huey Shyan, Ang Shu Mei.

(I hope I didn't miss out anyone this time :/)

Mystery

2010-08-05T22:22:00.002+08:00

Today was my best lesson of the week, for now. I am hoping that tomorrow's would be better. Joyce, my science faci is super nice. Our team didn't do pdt or worksheet, because we sort of understood the learning points already. There isn't 6p too. Our presentation was barely 5 minutes. I just spent the whole day slacking away. Our quiz is easy, evaluation is stupid and rj question was rather easy and the the topic is rather wide.

I really like my science and cognitive faci. Albert, Logan and the rest of the legal age-d people are going St James next friday or something, they asked Joyce along, she said she'd see how. She even say that we decided on a date after 21st August and have a class outing to go for a karaoke session, lol. I wish I'm legal too, I want to drink, but I guess I shouldn't spoil my liver yet. They are going to buy barcadi or something, whatever, I'm still 16.

During lunch break we were watching "The Final". It's a little boring actually, even though it still hurts when the people are being tortured. Because Daryl didn't come today, we didn't have the access for an audio cable, so it's hard to hear so it's like watching moving pictures without sound. In the end we decided to watch outside classroom, because it's in the noon, the area was super bright. After adjusting the laptop, we finally decided to watch at the corridor, hahaha! It's like 5 people, sitting in the middle of the corridor watching movie. Some people that just came from the lift and turned around the corner got a shock, lol much. When the faci came, we were still watching, hahaha. Epic.

Just had dinner at 85 with Kai and Joanna. Hmm, then slacked awhile. Nothing much actually, just a little pek chek, lol. Too much sarcasm / cold jokes. (Worse than Hao Siong, shisus! :/ ) Bye now, thinking if I should update my private blog for the first time, hahahahahaha.

Btw, fuck. I can't watch Bleach episode 282. This, is, pissing, me, off. I want to watch, THAT badly.

Staying back in school till 5.30pm with Jason and Hao Siong

2010-08-04T20:23:00.003+08:00

Umma and I, camwhoring.

Early in the morning, because of one stupid statement, I had to drag my pathetic ass to school. Anyway, I arrived around 11pm did practically nothing at all for today's problem. There's no presentation, thank shisus! If there is presentation, I'm not sure what I'd be crapping. But there's this annoying paper test, I think I flunked it, oh well.

Today's class ended pretty early, much more earlier than usual. I didn't go home, because the usual people I go home with isn't in school, lol, or so I thought. So I was reading fanfic in class, continue reading, and reading, still reading. There were other people in class, like umma, da jie and carine. They were playing uno, then slowly one by one went home. The only ones left were Jason and Hao Siong. They were listening to "出路“ song and I don't know what else. Lol, and singing along. That's was rather unexpected, but yeah.

After that 5.30pm, the security guard came, so we all went off. They went to the tables under E2 to continue doing whatever they were doing. I think because Jason has to go work at 7pm and Hao Siong is accompanying him, oh well. I went home. The bus was super cold and I fell asleep, woke up and nearly died because it's freezing. Had dinner, washed clothes and now I'm slacking.

I'm going to play Audition later, with whoever that is going to play. Tomorrow I have to go school superrrr early because it's Science and Joyce (my faci) is super nice. She let us choose our own team mates. I want to be in the same team as May, Da jie and Umma. (I'm so not going to be gg-ed, and team up with Ju-on.) They told me if I come late tomorrow, I gg. So stressful, lol. I shall wake up at 5am tomorrow.

Anyway, Da Jie has this idea of accompanying Umma to fast. (since, she's a malay.) I wonder if I should too, but i think it'll be hard for me to survive without water. I'll try my best though, it's better if we endure together, it's more.. considerate. (Now I just have to find out how am I suppose to eat in the morning.)

Shall go make my private blog later. I'm a little lazy now.

I'll never go for events like that again!

2010-08-03T23:14:00.003+08:00

Well, remember what I posted previously, it's about the big walk event. And I thought my mosquito bites disappeared, it appeared again. I counted it today, when I was slacking at the pantry place during presentation because I was super pissed with the dumb bitch faci. I have 19 mosquito bites, I think I have more though. They are so fucking itchy, I can't help but to scratch them, but by doing so, it's even more itchy. FML.

Today was a bad day from the start, even though I managed to be on time since I don't know how long. The first thing I felt like doing after reading the problem statement, was to partial. Apparently Kai persuaded me not to and successfully convinced me. Great, so I stayed on and get pissed of by the dumb bitch faci. I was rather rude to her, because she kept asking questions and it just annoyed the hell out of me, so I "Tsk!" super loud. She kept interrupting people's presentations and asked us to CLOSE our laptop cover. Total wtf, then she always end late and kept on blaming us for not cooperating and blah blah. Oh please, excuses only, why isn't it her fault that she has sooo effing much to explain. Ugh.

After school, went home with Shumei, Joanna and Kai. My "best friend" partial-ed and went fort canning :/ Ah well, fell asleep on the bus as usual, was super tired, slept at 1am last night. Shall sleep soon today, and hope I remember to bring my things tomorrow. Oh, just now just went out with Diana and Joanna. I feel that they like to last minute ask people go somewhere.. Then we saw Corrine and Queenie, slacked awhile and bus-ed home. So I'm here now blogging before going to sleep.

There are too many things on my mind that I don't know what to say..

你能爱一个这样的我吗？

2010-08-02T22:36:00.004+08:00

This is a super super super old picture, haha, cute right!
I don't know what to do with it, so I anyhow edited it :/

I realise this picture is damn ugly, because my face looks really really chubby and rather distorted.
Whatever, I like myself can already.

I really didn't talk much today, except for classmates. I went to school late again, and as usual, I didn't pay attention in class. The problem was rather easy, if I went to read the resources, but yeah, I don't really care. I'm waiting for school to end, and the weekend to come and finally for holidays. UT2 results, I passed again, except for Communication and Enterprise, they aren't published yet. Enterprise is so slow, even Maths came out already. Stupid.

Ate lunch, haha, I shall not eat anymore. I'll bring biscuits to school and chew on them, I promise! I also think that I should go my house downstairs' fitness corner everyday and exercise a little. Haha! Anyway, I finally had something that I haven't eat before at South food court, lol. I ate Japanese cuisine, well, it was okay, nothing fantastic but rather filling.

Today snake rapper faci was being out of the norm, lol. She ended at like early 3pm plus. We were like, okay, then we started doing our own stuff, for example : playing Bejeweled Blitz, watching Youtube videos and etc. Hao Siong, Da Jie, Carine were watching "The Crazies" I wanted to watch too, so I went to join in the crowd, it's super scary, I swear. I screamed a lot, like ps only, haha! Shall take shows from Hao Siong tomorrow and maybe watch with clique people (:

I switched off my laptop before going to watch the movie with them, Joanna and Kai went off already, I knew they didn't wait for me. Lol, so I accompanied Umma to buy some snack thingy from Book link and went to take a bus alone. Maybe it's just coincidence that I saw them in the queue, I didn't tell them, because I don't want to. Well, I tried hiding, but they saw me anyway, so we took bus home together. I wasn't being emo, or whatever, I'm just... like that. :/ Unexplainable.

Anyway! I've reached my 10,000th tweet and I tweeted these people. They might not be able to see it through twitter because I have to use Twishort, but I hope they saw it somehow anyway. I forgotten about Peipei at first, sorry.
----

On a side note, at this very fucking moment, I wished that I didn't have a sister. Fucking bitch. I would trade her for an elder brother or someone else. Irritant. I really hate people who don't admit their fucking mistakes or talk cock like nobody's business.

Don't ever assume how I think, because you will never know when you are going to be wrong.

PS: I really wanted to blog some things, but I just totally lost the mood.

New moon big walk is stupid. ):

2010-08-01T21:34:00.003+08:00

痛苦不一定要哭，快乐不一定要笑。

I didn't sleep for the whole freaking night and I went to give everyone wake up call at like, 5am. I called Kai, Diana and Joanna. Apparently Kai woke up after about 3 phone calls? Then next is Diana and that stupid sotplug ): I started to call them since 4.55am, and till 5.45am sotplug still haven't wake up. Faint! In the end, when I'm on the way to pick Kai and go Pasir Ris interchange that sotplug then wake up. Somemore, she is so rude! I so nice to try wake her up, the first thing she replied me was "fk". Emo~

The event was crappy. I hate the rain, I hate wet places, and my shoes are so fucking dirty. Muddy and all the disgusting bugs. Ewww ttm. I got lots of mosquito bites which have sort of disappeared already, great! Then I lack of sleep so I was a little crazy. After the event, collected money and everything, went to have Mac breakfast, but I slept throughout, slack-ed awhile at different places and waited for Huiying to go home after shopping for groceries with her mum. Then we went Huiying's house.

At Huiying's house I was zomg-ly tired, so I slept. After that I think Kai have to go work, so she left. Not long after, Corrine and Queenie came, I fell asleep again, with Joanna low sotplug. Lol, as usual, in a very weird and rather awkward position and she always managed to make my neck pain.. Haha! After that we decided to go have dinner at White Sands, went XinWang. The worst dinner ever, sorta. The standard is super bad and the food is disgusting, for mine. I'm never going to dine there again. Wasted my money ): Oh well.

Went home after that, so I'm here now, blogging. I have to sleep soon, because I know I'll die tomorrow, which is a very bad thing. Left 2 more weeks before I'm separated from E24K classmates, effing saddening. Shall try my best to be on time for these last weeks. Oh, and I realise I have many things to do, including anticipating for SPL's forum opening! (:

There are many secrets.

My first blood donation! ^^

2010-07-31T14:50:00.005+08:00

Had my very first blood donation yesterday (30th July 2010). I went to the HSA Blood bank alone, lol, sounds kinda lonely but well, I don't mind, I guess. I find it painless, and was given quite some sense of satisfaction. My next available date will be 22th October onwards. I will definitely go again.

Be nice to me, this is my first donation.

Pricked my finger for blood type testing? :/

Bandaged after donation.

After everything, at the toilet before going home.

-------------------------------------

Today's update will be..... I don't know actually. Early in the noon I woke up and was added into many msn conversations. After that I was trying to do many things at once, haha. But I guess I failed.

Yesterday was a funny.... experience? I actually saw someone doze off right before my eyes, haha. I was rather tired last night, and till now I haven't continue reading my fic. I'm not going to sleep tonight, I guess I can read finish. There's this weird event tomorrow that was asked to participate by Diana. Lol, 6am at Pasir Ris. How fun! Haha, okay, sarcasm.

Anyway, it's like evening before I got asked out by Diana and Joanna for ice-cream. Lol, as weird as it sounds, we went all the way to Parkway Parade because some random brainwave triggered the urge to eat Scoopz(?). Had Mac for dinner and slacked for a few hours and went home. When I just reached the void deck of my block, my mum texted me to buy something for her to eat, so I called her and asked her if she's crazy because I thought she haven't have dinner. She told me she ate instant noodles, now she's just craving for something to eat, went to buy Rojak for her.

After changing, dad called mum, and my sister and I were suppose to go downstairs and carried some things that my uncle went to take from his house that he shared with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. Oh well, was a little annoyed because I looked like crap, but went down super fast and came up. And it's like, in the middle of the night, so I don't think anyone saw me. So, yay! Lol.

I'm rather tired, thought of doing something but I think I'd look stupid, hah. And I think I want to create another blog, or maybe private this, hahaha. Crazy enough? Maybe.

When the cat is let out of the bag, it signals the time to leave.

Vulnerable existence

2010-07-30T13:43:00.002+08:00

The vulnerable existence is threatened, all I could do was just watch myself slowly losing it.

My world is falling apart again. I cannot comprehend why. It all boils down to that particular point, which sends a surge of sorrow through me. It brings back so much memories of what I've done. Will it end the same way?

There's this urge of running away from everything, I don't want to try to give people anymore happy vibes because all these isn't helping. Sometimes I feel that I try too hard, and no matter how hard I try, it's just impossible to please everyone. Even if time could rewind, I bet nothing would change.

Today, was actually a nice day. Then it got all depressing. I can't say that I'm happy, because it is obviously a lie. Would lying to myself make me feel better? I doubt so. Well, I got rather sad at some point, and I can't say that I cried, maybe just a few tears escaped.

I feel like cutting off all communication, hiding somewhere and never talk to anyone ever again. I guessed that's impossible, since there are actually things that will make me feel happier and people who cared about me. Not to mention my incorrigible habit of spamming twitter and blogging.

If my world were to crumble into pieces, what should I do?

My head hurts, I guess, my heart hurts more.

There's this unexplainable feeling! ^^

2010-07-29T22:17:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm going to die now.

Aww, it's not something bad that I feel like dying. There's just this unexplainable feeling in my chest right now, somewhat similar to what I felt when I was in love. But I know it's definitely nothing to do with love. Haha. There's this bubble in my chest, filled with popcorn, and it just can't wait to burst and have all the popcorn out of me. My heart seems so excited that it wants to jump out right now. I am happy, in fact, I'm elated!

I guess I really do have the bipolar illness thingy. I was rather unhappy in the morning, yet, hahaha! Apparently at this point of time, nobody seems to be online, and twitter is kind of quiet.. so I'm very bored. I saw my UT 2 result for Cognitive already, gotten a "B". I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but I have to blame myself for not understanding the valid/invalid, sound/unsound arguments. I totally died there. Haha! But still, it's impressive to get a "B" too, okay! (:

Today I was supposed to be in Da jie and Umma's team, because of Bird I teamed up with May and Ju-on. Oh shisus, I don't mind being with May but Ju-on? FML. And there I thought, I was safe. Ah well, anyway I thought I didn't have anymore Science lessons to skip, thank the gods! I definitely don't want to consult a doctor just to get a stupid MC, which i don't know, it just triggers a reaction from me : *roll eyes*.

Oh, just now Ting Zhang showed me a Youtube video, actually he wanted me to hear the song. It's a video of "Street Dance". I nearly cried when the video finished, I don't know why, I like shows like this. I like Step up, Step up 2, Fame. I feel that they are inspiring and the morale of movies is to go for your dreams. I love it, love it, love it! I want to watch it ASAP. I shall ask some people to go watch with me, that is if they want to watch too. (I don't mind watching it alone anyway.) ^^

Haha, this is the MV of "I was able to eat well". It's a song talking about after a break up for men. I like this song, sort of, and the MV. It has 2 guys with hot bodies, showing off their abs. (There's a girl too, she's hot, and pretty, just fyi.) Really really like Changmin's vocals, I basically like anyone with unique voice, haha!

You're happier when you're confident.
You're more beautiful when you're happy.
You're more confident when you're beautiful.
So, be happy, beautiful and confident.

Are you afraid of change?

2010-07-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

Today, I saw her.

I had a sinful dinner today. I felt like dying because I only ate apple today and my efforts are wasted.

There is always this prick there, I don't know if it hurts anymore, I just can't feel anything.. Sometimes, you can't just understand what you've seen. Because practice makes perfect.

Time can't heal all wounds. Not all scars can be covered. Durability can't be measured.

If I were to rewrite history, I would still do the same. You knew me too well, I won't be able to forgo my ego. I guess, nothing would change. Things wouldn't be different. There are too many things I kept hidden, too many bottled up feelings. You wouldn't understand.

If life is like a paper, thin and light, my paper is very heavy, because of all the dots that have caused on the paper and the loads of correction liquid that I've used to cover them up, to keep them hidden.

最终你还是先放开了手

2010-07-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Let's see, today hasn't been a good day. I just keep having this weird feeling that I can't seem to make myself feel happier. But I'm sure I'm not emo. Just, not very... happy?

I woke up late, went to school late, fell asleep on the bus and this guy came to wake me up. Haha, then I mouthed him a "Thank you." after I got down the bus and smiled at him.

Today's enterprise lesson was super-uber dry. I nearly died. During 2nd break, I spent like, half of it playing bejeweled on Facebook. Haha! My class has been Bejeweled crazy. Oh, I didn't go for break, or rather, I didn't eat anything in school today, even though I brought an apple. Haha.

I'm on diet, as I've said. Oh, I ate sushi today, gosh. But that's for dinner so I'm quite fine with it. The whole day I only ate 4 hotdogs, a few sushi and some meepok. (: Have been drinking buckets of water so I hope I won't fall sick. And and and, my tongue pain, cause got ulcer, I think. :/

Aiya, I want to go sleep already, very tired. Tomorrow having maths, even worse. Goodnight.
Shall eat apple tomorrow.

If we had lasted, things would be different.

Pride 2010, "I'm sorry" campaign.

2010-07-26T20:50:00.004+08:00

I felt the need to share this, it's very.. meaningful.

Gay in underwear hugging a Christian guy.

I hugged a man in his underwear. I think Jesus would have too.

I spent the day at Chicago’s Pride Parade. Some friends and I, with The Marin Foundation, wore shirts with “I’m Sorry” written on it. We had signs that said, “I’m sorry that Christians judge you,” “I’m sorry the way churches have treated you,” “I used to be a bible-banging homophobe, sorry.” We wanted to be an alternative Christian voice from the protestors that were there speaking hate into megaphones.

What I loved most about the day is when people “got it.” I loved watching people’s faces as they saw our shirts, read the signs, and looked back at us. Responses were incredible. Some people blew us kisses, some hugged us, some screamed thank you. A couple ladies walked up and said we were the best thing they had seen all day. I wish I had counted how many people hugged me. One guy in particular softly said, “Well, I forgive you.”

Watching people recognize our apology brought me to tears many times. It was reconciliation personified.

The rest of the blog entry can be found here.
(I hugged a man in his underwear. And I am proud.)

Love and acceptance, may be the only things we need in life. I happened to chance upon this and I felt touched by what they did. I mean, sometimes people just need a push in life. They are proud to be homosexuals, I don't find anything wrong anyway, it's just that people have to change their way of thinking that it's something disgusting? bad? or against nature.

Many things happened today, firstly the taxi driver has to irritate me early in the morning. Oh shisus, I wasted like $25 on the taxi fare and the stupid uncle took a longer way, I so should have taken the bus. Anyway I screwed my proposal presentation, got a few blisters and yeah. I just isn't quite happy.

I don't know why, but I guess there's something weird today. I'm supposed to be happy. Oh well, tomorrow will be better. I went to download many pictures just now, and I didn't do much since I got home, feel that I'm getting a headache, my sister is being stupid and my mother is teaching her angles. This is so annoying, nag nag nag nag, oh just shut it. I'm listening to BoA's Game, and I can still hear them. Pfth.

I shall go on a diet. I'm serious, I will not bring any money to school from now on.

Should I go donate blood on Friday?

I think I need a boyfriend.

2010-07-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

Yeah, why?

Sometimes it's just annoying to wait wait wait wait and get hurt all the time just to see if the right one is here yet. I mean, why bother? It has been so long since you've started to wait and get hurt all over, where is the right one now? Shit happens in a relationship, is this why girls become lesbians and guys become gays? I seriously wonder. I mean, I have nothing against homosexuals but, if it's me, I'm not sure if I can withstand whatever disasters that will knock on your door.

I just don't know.

You know, at times where you feel oh-so-tiny and lonely and whatsoever, you'll have that longing to get yourself an other half and maybe just console yourself a little, just a little. But how long does comfort last?

Humans are stupid. They fall in love, they are happy, they broke up, they get hurt, being all sad and depressed then they fall in love again.. It's like a sad comedy repeating itself right before your own eyes. Maybe that's how "It's amazing the capacity for pain we as humans have." came about.

Ah well, I've got to stop brooding over this topic. This is how far I let myself get all emotional about it. Anyway, I have to wear formal tomorrow (which is actually only 5 hours). Bought new shoes at North Point because of some weird sale, got some heels that my mom thought was comfortable and will not risk my life, even though I'd prefer stilettos.

I wonder what I can wear tomorrow, probably the same thing as last week. Oh, and I've submitted my proposal. I could have killed myself, was rushing till the last sec. Shisus, I could have gotten a heart attack. :/ Anyway, I hope I'm not sick, I really want to go donate blood, really really really. I shall go on, maybe Friday? Or sometime soon. (please don't let me be sick.)

Hehehe, changed my blog skin and my blog song. (:
I kinda like this new blog skin, and of course my blog song, love it!

-edit-
makes mental note : buy concession tomorrow.

hehehe

2010-07-24T16:09:00.004+08:00

Formal day. (with Da jie)

Hahaha, formal day was a bitch. This is the only decent photo that I can find, lol. Anyway, my eyes look so tiny lah ): I shall not smile next time...

Oh, just to clarify from my previous post, that is a guy and definitely not a butch. Lol. And to mention, hahahaha, I was just joking about the boyfriend thing. Why would I even be attached anyway? (:

Anyway, I'm still me lah, like, I think like that one what, I mean, I like to.. uh, donate blood (even though I haven't donate before). Yeah. Aiya x:

I'll be having dinner later with Joanna, Huiying they all at Bugis. I hope I didn't miss out in calling anyone. You all never reply me only hor ): Cannot blame me..

Lol, my blog post is a little weird today, whatever. I... hmm... heh. :/

I think that I want to change my blog song already, it's getting on my nerves. And probably change my blogskin too. Oh, since today is Saturday, I'm not gonna sleep because.. I have many things I want to do and I have to rush my proposal too. Sian.

Shall ask my entertainment to entertain me later :D Hahaha, maybe not. Later she say I bully her.

That's what keeping me, me.

shit ):

2010-07-21T23:14:00.003+08:00

my boyfriend.

Today, I didn't go school, I guess I was really shag about formal day. The make up, the uncomfortable clothes and the stupid heels which made my feet hurt like hell. I have a feel blisters on my feet so it kinda hurt now, but it's healing fast. (Y)!

Formal day, took a lot of photos, I guess most of them are unglam, but it's okay, I have lots of unglam photos on fb already. Hmm, I watched "Blood pledge" yesterday with Jackson, Hayati, Adeline, Jason, Hao Siong, Yaya, May and Carine. The movie wasn't really very entertaining but only at some parts. I hate the parts where ghosts suddenly pop out, so thank god I prepared my jacket to cover whenever the ghost appears, even though I saw the ghost in the end, because it's ending already. I guess this is just how I watch horror movies. (but it's a guarantee that you'll scream or at least have a very big shock)

I'm feeling rather restless recently and have many feelings running through, heh. I'm scared actually, of something. Lol. Anyway, I can't wait for holidays. I feel that everytime I go to school, I'm looking forward to the weekend, then towards to holiday. I just go to school for the sake of going. Ah well..

It's amazing that the capacity of secrets a human can hold.

Tyvm.

2010-07-19T21:11:00.005+08:00

I appreciate it.

Today, I only had about 3-4 hours of sleep, but I also miraculously survived the retarded lesson! I'm so proud of myself, hahahaa. Slacked all the way and basically just went to get grade, not to pay attention.

Tomorrow is Formal Day. Shisus! I'm going to look damn ugly tomorrow in formal clothes, hope I can find a hole and hide. Anyway, I'll be watching movie with my classmates tomorrow, some horror movie. Huiying kept asking me to wear skirt, and Joanna also. She also want to stalk me to see me in formal clothes. But I bet that she can't catch up with me, lol, she missing a trotter, HAHAHAHA! (bastard.)

Holidays are coming, and I think I want to work, I'm still not sure yet. Anyway, I'm serious about the orphanage and whatever else thingy. I mean, I think that instead of just playing and wasting life/money/energy on material things or spend it on our own gluttony.. We can like, go contribute to the society and maybe do some community work. It can also like, bonding and stuff, and and and, it's of a good cause. x:

I don't know how others think about it, but I'm fine with going by myself anyway. x:

Things to do:
Donate blood
Volunteer at orphanage
Volunteer at SPCA
And other stuff.

Heh, I hope this week would rock my socks off! Anyway anyway, the picture is to also tell everyone that I appreciate you guys for tolerating my bad temper, my childishness, my bossy attitude and etcetc. I know I won't be the best, friend you have/had. Well, I'm still, me. (:

-edit-

~~Peipei~~ and Joanna are both stalkers x:
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Which thief will say that they are the thief? :D

okay sunday

2010-07-18T22:54:00.003+08:00

Today, it rained. Didn't managed to play bball, which is kinda disappointing. So Joanna's ingenious idea of removing slippers to put our belongings and play, make my feet so dirty. Didn't really play much because all not in the mood, sorta.

Peipei came and everyone had a mini discussion like thing. Clarified things and everything. I guess, or rather, I hope everything is okay now. Even though I still have my doubts over some things, well, as learnt in cognitive, we are suppose to make reasonable doubts. Nothing much already, one down, one more to go.

I'm just really glad that things are okay. Even I have things that I don't know how to say, not to say everyone else. I might not have been there from the start, but it just feels weird when some people are missing. You seem to not mind, but subconsciously, you do realise the person is not there. As usual, most of us aren't good with words, or whatsoever, I guess we just based on all those understandings that we have.

Yeah, family.
A special bond.

dreams

2010-07-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

Today is yet another Karma Friday. Went to had dinner with the peeps, except peipei didn't go :/ Well, she had other commitments and by the time she made it was rather late, so we just sorta had dinner only. Only a handful left to slack, the rest had other things to do. Things have looked slightly better, not back to normal but, it's.. a little better than the last time. I hope this get resolved soon, like.. very soon. Sigh.

Anyway, these days I have weird thoughts / dreams. I hope it doesn't say anything of the future, because it's kinda scary and everyone is afraid of change. So am I. Heh. Anyway, my sister vomit lah. Stupid, and Joanna is funny. I mean, humorous. -.-

Okay, bye. I like this song.

my life is so fucking screwed

2010-07-13T22:46:00.003+08:00

Math UT was relatively easy, finished with 16mins and read fanfic. Don't know what songs to listen to recently, I need something to calm me down. These few days, I have sudden waves of uneasiness, I don't remember having these kinda feelings but yeah, I actually felt fear.

Last night I had the weirdest dreams. It was something that is always around me, but I never thought that I would actually dreamt of that.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do. If only it was a game, I hope to find the cheatcode. Fast.

tearing into bits

2010-07-11T23:13:00.001+08:00

Thousand fishes in the sea, which one do you think it's me?

There are many things that happened the past few days, I don't know what to comment about it, really. Worse still, I don't know what to feel about it. Maybe it's too much for me, or maybe it's too confusing, I'm just like that. Elaboration won't be provided because it's too much of a hassle.

Tired? Confused? Annoyed? Sad? Angry? Ah, I don't know, and who cares. I'm so tough that I'm durable. I thought it would be an okay day, who knew.. Who actually knew it could be so dramatic? The world seems to suffer from an earthquake, where the ground has cracks surfacing, slowly moving further and further away causing the cracks to become wider. Before you knew it, the world has been broken apart.

There has to be a support in order for something to stand. There has to be something that means more than the others. There has to be a reason why it lasted till then. There is also a tiny voice in your head to tell you not to let go because you value it more than you actually said it did.

Oh just fuck it.

These are the moments when I feel like to just stop breathing.

Changes of my everyday life.

2010-07-10T15:35:00.005+08:00

Webcam-ing photos, lol. Lousy quality.

These few days have been wearing eyeliner to school, which makes me damn tired, because I'm very lazy in removing it when I get home, and my contact lens sorta made my eyes pain, I think I might really go blind soon -.-

Hmm, school has been rather fun these few days, other than maths of course! I suck at maths, which is damn pathetic. Celebrated Logan and Hayati's birthday on Thursday! Had dinner with Peipei, Diana, Kai, Amanda and Joanna at pizza hut yesterday. Was broke, so I don't know who bought the pizza.
Note to self : Remember to pass them after 25th.

Anyway, I've realised that these few days many people have been forcing me to eat. Kai and Joanna. Ah well, I do eat lor, just that hmmm, I don't know ^^ I'm not on a diet lah, I just never eat lor..

I don't know what else to say, sigh. Didn't play audi last night, nobody called me anyway, but it's okay, I slept well.

diana's birthday

2010-07-06T23:00:00.004+08:00

Cute!

Today is Diana's birthday. We surprised her with her other 2 friends at the library. Embarrassed ourselves and took some photos. After that we went to Causeway point to have Ajisen after standing in the middle of nowhere for a superrrrrrrr long time. That's all for today's celebration, photos will be uploaded on Facebook, tomorrow.

I didn't study for UT. Haha, but I guess it'd be okay, well, I mean I hope it'll be easy enough for me to pass. I have to cut short of my usual essay-like posts because it's 11.09pm and I have to go do my RJ like, now. Lol. I guess I'll just blog again soon!

------

Wore eyeliner to school today, and dressed differently, lol. My classmates and friends are all like, "Wow, what's the special occasion?" kinda thing. Haha. They all say maybe I should wear like that everyday. I'll see about it, it's hard work eh! Anyway, I've made a formspring, as usual I'm always "dhatsying" for anything.

Anyway, there are somethings I want to let the world know, also to keep it all hidden somewhere in a corner. This is so annoyingly confusing. Stupid Stephen, I'm going to....... I don't know either. Anyway, I think I'm broke, heh. Extremely broke till 25th; Oh shisus! It's like...... 19 more days! I'm going to survive on myself for now. Bye milk tea, I'll miss you T.T

I had butterflies in my stomach this morning, I didn't know why. I'm sort of nervous and afraid of something. Something that I can't seem to make out of. Fear? Maybe.

I don't get myself sometimes.

i love my mummy

2010-07-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

I feel like on cloud 9234761982417928723 ^^

Today went out with Mummy, and didn't went to play basketball with the peeps. Sigh! But after all, it was quite a fruitful trip, heh! We sent that bitch to esplanade, then we went to eat at "The Asian Kitchen". I think mummy wanted to compensate me for the drama yesterday and because my dad didn't bring us go have a feast, so I ordered quite a lot and not very cheap. :/

We ordered a plate of chicken chop fried rice, a bowl of pork chop noodles, some steamed chicken dumplings, xiao long bao and this super cool dessert thingy! (It's like, fried banana and red bean.) At first there was steamed red bean in the crystal skin thingy, whatever lah. But too much food already, only 2 of us, I was nearly bloated by then.

She bought me a pair of striped shoes and a pair of zebra prints shoes from Rubi. We went Bugis after that to look for shorts and stuff for myself, so she bought me a butterfly sleeves top thingy from Bugis street, and 2 pairs of New Future shorts. After that we went Topshop because I wanted leggings and I don't like the quality at Bugis Street so she got me a pair. Total expenditure, I think about.. $200 plus.

We went to fetch my retarded sister, she recorded the retarded songs at the retarded concert so her phone low batt, in the end she went missing. We couldn't find her and dad was driving around. (waste time, waste petrol, waste enery, waste money.) Then my happy day was ruin, because Mom and Dad were both frustrated and they started to squabble? Lol, sorta. Found her, came home, the end.

Happy 45th birthday, Dad.

2010-07-03T16:00:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday Dad.

I wanted to post a picture, but, it's in my HDD. Haha! So, yeah. Anyway, I wonder what we'll be eating for dinner as celebration. I suggested Sakura buffet, hahaha! I don't know if Mom will bring us go eat, I'm hoping.

I don't know what to type for this post, maybe I'll update again. This is all for now!

------------ update --------------

Didn't go eat a feast in the end. Dad didn't want to go out, so Mom cooked. Even though it's nice, I'd very much love some international buffet in my round round tummy ~

Oh, and I fought with my sister, the annoying lying bitch. Literally fought, with fists and stuff, because of some moronic fucking thing that she always do. This shithead just won't learn. I'm so gonna ignore her from now.

what about now?

2010-07-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

Acceptance.

There are many things we did in life that we might have regretted at some point, it might be on an impulse, a wrong judgment or maybe just too naive. I have a few of those things that I've done, or rather, mistakes to be exact. It is with me all these while, but there's nothing I can do about it, I just accepted that I'm an idiot, dump this retarded piece of information to the back of my head and wait. I've waited long enough for feelings to fade and the impact to wear off, I'm not exactly affected now. It may sound easy, but it's all in the mind. Letting go is as easy as you want it to be, that factor is both of your mind and sub-consciousness.

At this point of time, I'm really hungry. I guess I should sleep soon. I just played Audition with Joanna, Kai, Queenie, Huiying and Diana. I'm really sleepy now, and I've to remember to submit my RJ before Sunday. I don't know what else to say... Perhaps there's nothing much to say..

Today was a relatively happy day for me. Cognitive was... enjoyable, which is also my favourite lesson! Lunch was quite okay, even I only had ice cream and bubble tea. Dinner was great too, had Mac with the people, haha. Since it's Karma Friday, Peipei came over to RP again. I feel rather bad actually, since it was raining and she was sorta in the rain(?) Yeah. And RP is kinda far.. Sigh.

Oh well oh well, I hope later would be a great day! Will blog again, like... at night. (:

Sometimes, I feel that the things I say don't even make the slightest sense.

what is this?

2010-07-01T21:18:00.003+08:00

Out of the blue, I missed you.
Where is the love that I was promised now?

Hell knows why am I being so emo? It's getting frustrating. I hate these feelings and I hope to just detach myself from all this crap. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

UT 2 is coming, I'm so sick and tired of school and all the retarded reflection journal junk. My energy is running low, I'm afraid I might not be able to keep up with this routine. Went to the Enterprise talk today with Kai, was trying to pay attention, ended really sleepy, listened a little but played games instead. I was listening, and playing games at the same time, so yeah. I didn't get much things in.

Tomorrow it's a Friday. It's my favorite lesson. I don't know why, I guess because of my retarded attitude, I've gotten a "C" again. My second one. I'm not exactly pleased with myself, in fact rather pissed. I guess I just have to work harder to get my "A"s back.

I've been thinking much lately, in a sense where, I don't want to talk, I just want to be alone. Looking back, I wondered what went wrong, I mean, I tried my best. I guess it just wasn't my fault, I have to move on. These relationships that I've severed ties with, I'd secretly look at their Facebook profile, or maybe blog to check out their lives. Sometimes, it seems as if they are living a great life without me. I seriously think that why is it that they have a life that they don't deserve, and I'm being miserable all by myself..

Then I had a reality check, my life is as great, or even better. I still have my friends, even though I lost some. I have my family who loves me. I might not have a lover anymore, but it's okay, I can survive. I just don't like it, how sometimes I'd miss them. It was an experience, or rather, a happy memory; at least for some.

Maybe, I should let it go.. Just maybe, I should just relieve the burden on my heart.

Oh, my new favorite song!

fear

2010-06-29T21:22:00.003+08:00

The reason is, I'm afraid.

There are many things that happened when I wanted to blog but I ended up not blogging, so I'll just cut short to most of the things.

Celebrated Shyan's birthday
UT 2 is coming
School is such a bore
I'm tired

I uploaded the photos on Facebook, it's under album "birthdayssssss". I'm too lazy to upload it here besides, it's in my rp laptop and I'll lag the blog if I upload too many pictures. Been playing Audition still, not as often though, school is really wearing me out, even though I have to admit that I love my classmates and stuff.

Talked to Stephen again recently, so he is back with the "Be my gf" joke(?) thing. Well, I don't really like it, I guess. It's like, he jokes around too much, even though some part of me will believe him when he tells me that he is being serious, another part of me just shuts off since it isn't the first time.

I don't know what I'm becoming into. I'm afraid, yet I'm hoping for a change. I'm tired, yet I want to experience. I'm crazy, damn right. I guess I might have a fling or two, probably won't commit myself. Oh, the past few days I didn't get to drink the Cafe's milk tea, I nearly died of happiness when I drank it like, yesterday. (Ah, heaven!)

I think I have to save money soon, I really want to go Thailand with everyone during our "year-end" holidays. I might be taking up a job during the holidays to save up for my overseas trips. And, they were talking about hooking arms the other day. I'm really clingy :/ I like to hook people's arms. Mom always complains that I have no backbone, I just like to snuggle against people what! Nothing wrong.

The guy that my sister has been talking to, I suspect that he's a pervert. He actually told my sister that he has a girlfriend. Oh which fucking idiot goes around calling other girls and talk for hours, through the night and etc. Some more, he calls my sister "honey", "cutie". Totally absurd, he also never go and look into the mirror! Wtf, trying to hong xmm? Oh shisus, please just kill me. I nearly kill myself when I saw his fugly picture, it's okay to be ugly but man boobs? Hell no. Kira Kah Wei? or James? or whatever, Japanese wannabe. -.-

I like this song. (:

once upon a december

2010-06-19T00:23:00.002+08:00

I guess, life is just life. There are times where we all wants to seek a shelter where we can hide from truths, run away from reality, just isolate ourselves from everything that hurts. Childhood, something that we once had, a period of time where our pure being is so innocent, so happy and so naive. Memories from the past, how much could you remember? Things in your heart, how much can you explain?

As time passes, we are tainted. Tainted by the thoughts that we had, the things that we've done, the words that were spoken. Just like a fallen angel, we've lost the glow, the innocence, the things we once had. How much more you'd ask, how much more is there to lose? I wonder.

Things were broken. Things have been broken. Things are being broken. People, hearts, spells, objects, relationships. Humans tend to live in denial, believing that they are happy just because. They believed that love is great. They believed that everything will be alright. Lies, just what they are. What is there to feel? Nothing.

Robots. Who created them? Humans are robots. They can choose not to feel. I closed my heart to refuse to let myself feel. So I ask, what is pain? I have no idea. The heart aches for emotions, the heart trembles to feel something. I've build these walls to keep myself in, to hold myself in place before I lose my sanity to the desire burning through my skin.

-------

Memories are playing like film without sound, pictures and flashbacks beginning to fill the mind. Remembering things that actually meant something, triggering to unfold your past, tempting you to break down the wall that you've built.. just to feel what you've felt, the happiness, the love, the sorrow, the anger and everything else.

I am listening. I just don't know what expression to show.

I was once the passionate lover, the cute lover, the paranoid lover, the intimate lover.
All that is lost, kept in that box. Those are the feelings that won't be back.

throat sucks big time

2010-06-17T18:43:00.003+08:00

omfg, Jjong is so sexy!

I'm currently at the library with Kai. Apparently, Man skipped school for the wondergirls thing, and yeah. Oh shisus, I'm still damn sick. My throat hurts like mad, and every single freaking day, I dread waking up, because my throat is damn dry and damn pain. I skipped school on Tuesday, and I nearly died because I can't breathe properly. Dumb swollen tonsils.

Oh, Peipei came. Hahaha, I'm taking really long to blog, because I'm boredddddddddd. And I don't feel like watching variety shows in the library. Hahahaha. I don't know what should I do now. Lol, I told Kai that I'm a box with many secrets. Hehehe. Well, we talked about some things and all. Sian, I hate school. I drank my 3rd bottle of water now. DEAD. I go toilet for like.... 4(?) times lor. Tired, I finished Rj and all already, so bye, I'm going to facebook now!

I hope my throat gets better..

shisus

2010-06-12T23:23:00.004+08:00

Sexy Jjong!

So, I haven't been blogging again, there isn't much happenings anyway, other than getting screened by police for underage drinking. Okay, shall not elaborate.

Have been enjoying my holidays by going out, sleeping and reading fanfics. I've just read-ed the fanfic entries from Twelfs, I'm one of the judges because I'm well known for being super addicted to fanfics, so yeah. Have yet to write the review for each contestant, but some, I really think that they wrote a great story, some are just... plain... well, grammar just ain't that good. One shitty thing I still haven't do it's to donate my damn blood. :/

Well, besides the point, I think I might be going to Tampines to watch "Karate Kid" with the butches and all.. tomorrow. Oh, and I'll also be dye-ing my hair in the freaking morning. I think I won't sleep, lol ~ I guess I'll just die tomorrow, so that I can wake up for school on Monday.

---------

Recently I've thought about weird stuff, like how I want to know more about psychology and natural disasters. I've also thought about boys and their thinking. The statement "Natural is beauty, girls who don't wear makeup are beautiful." is totally absurd!

Yeah, my ass. This is total bullshit. "Natural is beauty" is the stupidest statement ever. I mean, guys who want natural? Imagine your girlfriend or wife to not wear a bra, no makeup, no toothpaste, no sanitary pads. Well, don't guys love those saggy breasts, face with zits, yellowish teeth with stinky breath and their "girls" to be walking around dripping blood! Morons.

I bet guys would love girls perky breasts, smooth skin, white teeth, fresh breath and obviously not one who walks around and drips blood from their vagina -.- So they don't use their tiny pea brains to think. Who doesn't like to see someone dress up in something hot for them, pfth. Don't lie, horny asses.

Makeup conceals perfectly, I uses makeup, but it doesn't mean I'm not beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Even though personally I find many other women pretty, I like how I look and I find myself pretty too. It's my face, the face that my parents gave me, even though I used makeup to conceal my flaws, it doesn't mean anything. Appearance, that is all it is. Humans are visual creatures, underneath all the appearance, there lies the personality which is also the so called "inner beauty".

I am superficial because I care about the appearance, I am shallow because I am biased to people that has a more attractive appearance, but I am also not superficial and shallow because I do care about people's personality. This is very contradicting, but yeah.

---------

To do list :

Study Mathematics to screw the effing bitch that I declared war with.
Donate my damn freaking blood to the damn freaking blood bank.
Watch Shrek 3 and Eclipse.
Organise my 6Ps when I get my HDD back.
Write my reviews for the fanfic entries.
That. (it's a secret, HAHA)

sex

2010-06-09T03:51:00.005+08:00

VIRGO - THE BEST SEXUAL PARTNER(8/23-9/22)

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it. Cool. Loves to own Geminis’ in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

What-the-fuck. Okay, I was going to sleep, but I chanced upon this and I feel the need to post it here. HAHAHAHA. This sorta just made me Lol-ed.

I seriously got to sleep now, bye!
I'm meeting Nicholas Tan, my asshole ex-boyfriend at 10am in the freaking morning at Ang Mo Kio. I so feel like swearing now, but yeah, since he's a sweetheart in bringing me stuff from Korea, I'm going to spare him my evil tongue ~

ps: My lips cracked due to dehydration and i'm suffering from a thousand years worth of miserable pain. (: LOL!

secrets

2010-06-04T23:41:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I think that I'm a rather scary person. Because before everything that is expressed or presented, there lies me, the one with a lot of secrets. If life is a movie, I hold many roles, because I'm the perfect actress that can play out all the different roles without a flaw. I can be a good friend, I can be your worst nightmare, I can be the girl who locked her heart, and everything else. Being such a formidable actress, scares me, because I know that I won't know what I am anymore. So I ask myself, "Who am I?" Only silence answers...

Today went out with Man, Peipei, Kai, Shyan, Corrine, Nini and Jo. I'm kinda lazy so I'm going to mentioned them in short forms, hahaha. It was a.. pleasant outing. I guess. I don't think I want to comment much on it, but yeah. I can just say that I'm not all that happy.

Just the day before, I dream or I think I wanted to tweet that "I'm like a bitch in heat." I guess I was crazy. Haha! This morning's dreams are rather... blank. Okay, nothing much to say. Hahahah. I like this new mv from SS501. I'm going to embed it. Totally love that they look like vampires, their mv has classical music and I adore the eyeliner (:

Oh, and I told Peipei that I love her. Well, in a.. friendly way. Whatever. Lol, it's ... weird. hahahahahaha!

Happy birthday Yoochun darling.

thousand words

2010-05-30T01:57:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to say. I guess, it's another I-am-becoming-weird period.
Troubled? Confused? Hurt? Tired? Annoyed? Stupid.

clouds

2010-05-23T21:36:00.002+08:00

I really love the clouds, really really really love them.

I really love the clouds, I stare at the clouds every time, I'll take pictures of the clouds when I find them really pretty. Don't you think that clouds look really cute, pretty or whatever you describe it? I think that they are majestic! They look free, fluffy, soft and gorgeous all at the same time. I don't know, clouds makes me feel relaxed, they stimulate my thinking, even though mostly leading me to being emotional, but I love them a lot.

Okay, I stayed over at Peipei's house the last 2 nights. We even went to Sentosa, I'm not going to upload photos here, but you can view them on Facebook. I'm lazy besides I'm using my "school-use" laptop as I have to download 6Ps, sort my HDD, submit my translated article and work on my 3rd set of lyrics. Oh, Sentosa outing was great. I had a lot of fun.

These few days many things are happening to the Kpop world, it's getting really troublesome. Feeling heavy hearted because many things are changing, despite the efforts that have been put in. All we can do now is to hope for the best. I might start on my independent project of making an album first, even though in the end I'm not going to be given any assistance. I'll just have to deal with whatever crisis that might come my way, because the way to achieve something ain't going to be easy.

Tomorrow I'll be having my mathematics understanding test. I guess it's GG aka "good game" for me. Mathematics has been always been one of my weaker subjects since sec 2? I don't know, I just have to try, but I know it won't be my best effort, guess I have to buck up. I promised myself when I received my O level results that I haven't been doing my best for O levels, I'm going to work hard during Poly. This promise hasn't been forgotten, I'm going to do great. Oh, and I think I want to go on a diet, I'm getting fatter, like pig. This sucks. I'm going to starve myself from now on, who cares about gastric pain :/ I mean, it's not like the first I'm doing this starving-diet, it's unhealthy, but it does help. I might exercise, but you know, I get tired easily including the short concentration span thing. Hmmm, all the best in life, Lxy!

Hyuk!!!!

2010-05-19T23:43:00.004+08:00

Life could get better, because Eunhyuk has gotten twitter.
I adore my ultimate love.

(ps - you can see from the reflection, my ultimate love's lover, aka donghae is talking on the phone while taking a picture for his beloved anchovy, they look so adorable together!)

Apparently today sucked in the morning. First, I went out late, missed the bus. Second, I am late for school. Third, my stupid eyelash has to drop and stick onto my contacts and hurt my eye like wtf. Which totally made me took out the lens, try to get the eyelash away, while holding on to my laptop and walking in a moving queue.

So I went to school, and was late, okay. It sucked even more because it was maths, and we have to do logarithms, which is some add maths thing, which I have no freaking idea what it was. Apparently my friends who took add maths have no clue either, wonderful -.-

But my day gotten better because I sort of understood the thing. Just as the horrible day is going to end, (I was on twitter the whole time) I received an update that Eunhyuk has gotten himself a twitter account. Which I checked with people at the speed of light, and I found out that Shindong actually tweeted and asked people to follow him. I am the 249th person that followed him, I think. I spazz-ed like hell, till the stupid school has to shut off it's wireless because some people are having UTs. I got turned off, so I decided to go home, and.. I have plans to go Michael's house.

Michael stopped by my house, and we went to his house together. I was doing my RJ and stuff while he ate and etc. Blah, he brought his guitar downstairs and taught me the different chords needed to compose a song. Which I am still not very sure, but yeah. We spent the hours watching videos and listening to music and etc. Well, he said that he suspected that he fractured his wrist, I hope he's okay. Get well soon!

That's all for now, I suppose. Will be going to the school's gym with classmates tomorrow, weird but I think it'll be fun. I feel really emo these days, think I have to write a new song, soon... Okay, bye now!

Myself

2010-05-18T23:48:00.006+08:00

I don't know at which point of my time, I took my heart and locked it away. After being broken so many times, I'm afraid, afraid that one day, I might not be able to fix myself up, nobody can. Being attached, being single and being attached again seems like an evil cycle that couldn't be broken. So many people, who claimed that they loved me, yet tore me apart with so much cruelty where I thought for at least a second that they had no humanity. It's me, my feelings, I understood it more than anyone else. I was hurt, I was broken, it was as if my world lost it's sunshine, it's rainbow and other things which I thought I'd have them forever. The bleeding heart, my heart, I took it and locked it away.. It's calling, it's aching for someone to stop the pain. I am stubborn, I am a coward, I am me. I held the key, tightly, so ever tightly that nobody can take it. I can't, and I won't let anyone reach me. Even though it aches, but I will never be what I was, ever again. I don't dare to let myself free, let my heart free.. I believe that I'd just be broken again. Just then, I might not have the courage to pick myself up. For that, I will ruin my already ruined self. Many wrong decisions caused me to be regretful for what I've done. I never shortchanged people of my love, but ever since they made me lose faith, I stopped loving. The emptiness, will just remain empty. The bleeding heart will just continue to bleed. The aching that demands for love, will be left as it is, just to ache.

Life will go on... In this way.

My life...

2010-05-15T14:41:00.002+08:00

I know I haven't been blogging much, because my days are so busy.. I have been going to school, doing RJs, reading fanfic and etc. I didn't even have time to follow up on my variety shows! (Which is a super bad thing)

Apparently, I tried to pour out all my feelings that have been bottled up for my blog, I can't remember when and what made me felt all these, I know.. it's just as messed up as my life is. The only thing I remembered is Amanda being all sad because she got rejected. I got a shock of my life because I saw a cat gotten ran over by a car before my eyes.

I tried writing lyrics to songs, and I finished my first one. You can go view it here. I'm trying to write a second, in relation of yesterday's events.. I haven't complete it anyway. I don't know what else to say.. Blogging hasn't been my best skill. And, I think the guys that I thought was quite cute in class, apparently I don't think that they are attached.

But it doesn't matter to me I guess, because I feel that I don't like guys anymore. Hmm, not that I like females, I don't know anymore.. I just don't feel any attraction to anyone, I guessed I really did lock myself up and threw away the key..

These days have been talking much to Joanna and Kai. I don't think I fit into their conversations and stuff, but yeah.. They are kinda nice, I mean.. in terms when I first knew them.. (as the whole world knows, I don't like to talk to people I don't really know).

I guess I'm just plain weird.

Monkey-hyuk

2010-04-25T12:55:00.003+08:00

Can you see those hot, sexy, muscular arms?

Woo! I told you so, hyukkie's arms are damn muscular. He is so damn cute, love him to bits ^^

These few days have been really shag because of school and my fanfic addiction. Well, I kinda deserved it but, hell. My grades have came out, and I got A, B and C. It's totally screwed, I mean, I got a lousier grade as days passed. :/ Okay, so my communication module facilitator is not as annoying (I mean, I don't like her.) When I thought I like my enterprise module facilitator better, yet she gave me a C. Damn.

Okay, now it's 1.08pm, I think I'm going to pain my nails neon orange. (yes, it's weird but it's my favourite color, live with it.) Boring, life's a bitch. Everyday I have to wake up early to school, and by the time I reached him it's like, evening. Hmm, oh well, my class : E24K is so damn fine. Haha, after 2 classmates' birthdays, my class seems to be super bonded right now. I mean to the extend that we created a facebook group, celebrated birthdays in class and even comment on the facilitator in class, using facebook. Totally ftw!

Well, as to things to say about my fanfic addiction, it's really bad now. I mean, I keep reading them. I didn't even bother to watch my shows now, damn shitty. I got to spend sometime catching up my anime and shows. I love rated yaoi fanfic, I'm so admitting it. (Seriously, so what? It's my liking, so live with it.)

There aren't much things to say, except that Friday I went out to have dinner with Joanna, Diana, Corrine and etc at Marina Square. Yes, I missed the times where I go out and have fun. But I don't have much money left in my bank account, which totally sucks. I guessed I have to blame myself for spending so much money in the first week. Ah well, Mum's gonna get her pay, I'll just ask her for money. I think I really need to work too, but heck. I'm kinda lazy now, and school is killing me. Bye now!

Ps : I changed my blog songs and I've added Jay's new song, Clouds.

Yoochun is sexy

2010-04-18T23:12:00.003+08:00

Check out my sexy boy.

This is my new favourite. Okay, I ain't no flirt yeah. Yoochun is so sexy, love him! His piano playing skills just melt me off my chair, and his sexy voice. KYAAAA ~ Well, even Junsu baby can't resist him okay. I'm kinda obsessed with Yoochun these days. Don't worry, I love my other boys too, so get in line! ^^

Anyway, school has start, tomorrow would be my 3rd official day. I'll be having my first lesson on "Enterprise Skills". I don't know what exactly is it about, not that I care. School is such a bitch, I don't know most of my classmates and I don't intend to know, not because I hate them or anything, I just don't like to new people. (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.)

Oh, guess what, I have to do RJ every single damn day. That is much better than working as a team and presenting a ppt everyday, in front of the class. (God, I could just die!) Oh well, there aren't really any handsome or cute guys in my class, which is kinda sad actually. I thought there might actually be some hot guy. Hmm, Jordan(?) is kinda cute because I don't know why and Jackson(?) is kinda hot too, well, not really :/ Besides, he is attached. (Lol, not that I'd care.)

Hmm, I hope to join some CCA thingy to get my butt off lazing around and probably some exercise. Haha! Okay, I met a new Korean friend today on Twitter, which is a great thing. I love Koreans. Oh, and I sorta got into a fight with Amanda. (Sorta, basically.) Well, I'm going to ignore her, and the reason of this whole issue, I'm too lazy to say. Whatever.

Lastly, I can't believe that person's boyfriend is in my school. Okay, not exactly but yeah. Hell gross! I saw that ugly bastard like what.. twice? And that is in 3 days. Fuck my life if I have to see him of this frequency in the next 3 years. Nothing much now.

Yoochun is mad-sexy-burning-hot.

my new faves

2010-04-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

First Favorite, Eunhyuk's Best Friend : Xiah Junsu from DBSK

Second Favorite, Kevin from U-Kiss

I haven't been blogging again, which is I'm busy with reading. Recently, I've been so addicted to fan fiction that all I've been doing is read, read and read. Most of the fan fictions that I've read are rated, well, so what? I like reading erotic stories. I mean, that isn't a crime what.

Anyway, I like Junsu because he is damn cute, and totally adore Kevin because he is damn pretty. Oh, and after reading all those erotic fanfics, I find that Mirotic by DBSK is really erotic. (Pardon me for my thoughts, I've been influenced by those authors.)

Well, about the chalet, it is already over. Guess what? Those that say they won't go, ended up going. Those that say that they will go, ended up not going. Seriously, how irresponsible can they get? I'm really pissed over this issue, partially because of the money issue and the other reason is, they wasted my efforts. (I paid more than $150 for the food, which, I used my own money.) Shouldn't have organised it in the first place, because I didn't get to use my laptop, didn't have enough sleep, water and vegetables. Worst still, I have to pay for the things. (Originally it is a class chalet kind of thing, ended up become a gathering for friends. Not that I don't like it, I appreciated that : Diana, Joanna, Pei Er, Hui Ying and etc went.)

Well, thank god and luckily we are in different schools now. I don't have to see you all anymore. Those that jolly well wasted my efforts in planning, money in buying the food (Obviously I have to get enough food because you told me you were coming, fucker.) and guess what, I don't effing print money. You guys should count yourself lucky that I didn't call and fuck your ear off. (I am really very pissed off because I worked my fucking butt off for that measly pay, which caused me to spend my days at a cockroach infested shitty place, without getting to enjoy my lunar new year holidays and I spent my fucking Vday working! - And yeah, you should fucking feel guilty for being a shithead.)

Back to my fan fictions, I will send you the link if you guys want Eunhae, Yunjae or SHINee fanfic. Well, but be warned that almost all are rated and are kinda sick with all the anal and blow jobs. I'm sorry that you're disgusted, I just like that stuff, so screw off if you have a problem with me.

I started reading fanfic because of the naval ship tragedy that happened in Korea, those variety shows that I absolutely love are being delayed because apparently they think you should grieve over those that died and all for-like-ever because it has been 2 weeks. (I WANT MY SHOWS!) I'm not heartless, I'm just selfish. Whatever, ain't in the mood to explain my spoilt-brat behavior to everyone.

PS: I've changed my song to "Bubble love" by MC Mong and Seo In Young. (I love Seo In Young, I love her powerful vocals.)

kfc egg tarts

2010-03-31T18:27:00.003+08:00

Here's a picture of KFC egg tarts. (Sorry, had to try one.)

Okay, I'm going to recommend this to you! It's really nice. The custard is soft, not very sweet, and it's milky. If kept refrigerated, it'll have a texture of cheese tarts. The crust or the pastry for the egg tart is crispy and not salty like those from bakeries. It's like those prawn crackers but without the prawn cracker taste. (: Really very nice! However, it's only available during Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays. (Very hao lian right?) Whatever.

So Michael and I are going to apply for a job at a Korean BBQ restaurant, somewhere in orchard. Anyway, being a Twelfs translator gave me many chances to make new friends (not really, but yeah). I got to know of a Korean living in Canada, and another Korean(?) living in Korea. Well, not only Koreans, I got to know Singaporeans and other people from Philippines, Indonesia and etc as well! This is so cool. And the Korean living in Canada taught me Hangul, well, not exactly, but she taught me how to say "I want to eat", "I want to eat anything". Haha, how cute is that ^^

Well, currently my sister is being a bitch, and she's harassing Pepper. (Shithead!) Yeah, you got it right, she pissed me off again. Hah! -.- Oh well, Michael is being annoying by not replying me in fb chat, AGAIN. (He's the idiot who refuse to fix his msn / use ebuddy, so it pisses me off as well!) Mervin is damn cute, well, because he is cute. (and he hates fb chat, just like me).

Apparently I'm blogging now because Amanda abandoned me again, and went to some mart downstairs(?) -.- Yeah, and it'll take her forever to tell me which track is the instrumental one. Well, she did tell me she bought me a Super Junior Shirt. (Yes, it's a fucking big deal.) Well, this sucks because I have to get food and drinks ready. I have to buy so many shit for the chalet. (As usual, I have to pay first, because those people can't pay me now, for god knows what reason.) I believe that they won't run away and stuff, because I can't be fucking bothered to chase after them. I hope we'll have fun then though. Sigh!

Ah well, I forgot what else I have to say.. uh wait. The kpop merchandise website is up. (:

DO SUPPORT!

Bye!

I don't have a heart (심장이없어)

2010-03-28T00:21:00.002+08:00

I'm still looking for a job for Michael Young. Well, I'm suppose to work with him also, I wonder how to get him a job when I can barely find one. Sigh, the worst thing is he is a foreigner and not a Singapore PR. How troublesome :/

Okay, Amanda Cheang is currently in Korea, how annoying is that? Lol. If she didn't get the things I told her to get, not merchandise and stuff, but name cards of those shop owners, she will be dead before she knows it. Well, everyone else that was in 4E1 isn't making my life great by cooperating with me for the chalet thing. I bet at the end of the day, there won't be much people. Ah well, as usual, what can I expect from them? -.-

Thinking that I should quickly get the blogshop done. I don't know what should I do because Cheang is making me all confused and she keeps procrastinating, rawr. Asshole, I guess I should get things done. Including a new email address, a new wordpress and things like that. So when she is done with her "trip" (yeah, she's having fun in Seoul and I'm working my ass off) everything would be in place. I swear I'm going to ask her make me her shareholder. (Duh! I did work my ass off.)

Anyway, I've a good news! Excluding the fact that I was sleeping as the phone rang (noisily!), this woman (she sounds like a girl though, not much older than me) asked me about my course and stuff, saying that she is calling from Republic Polytechnic (yes, that's my new school) and she told me I've been accepted to a new course, "New Media". The first thing I replied her was : Really? Lol, okay, I find myself amusing.

Anyway, I told her I'd take on that course and ditch my disgusting engineering course. I find myself so effing happy that I want to scream. I realise I don't have many people to share this news to, Michael is retarded, so I didn't tell him, because he probably won't pick up my damn call. (I think i did try to call him that day, bahhhhh.) And the first person I want to share this OMG news with is Amanda Cheang and that babo-twaeji (it means idiot pig or something similar) is in Seoul :/ So I'm sorta... ZZZZZZ =.=

Well, I'm really happy though because I'm in the same school as Cheang. I guess I can't live without her, hahaha! (what a confession!) Anyway, I feel more secure when she is going to the same orientation camp crap thingy with me. (Yes, I really do hate meeting and talking to strangers.) If she is going to have another best friend in poly which overwrites my existence then she is dead ^^ Just joking.

Hmmm, kinda a long post though. Another news : I am officially a Twelfs Chinese translator. (not a big deal, but whatever) I've to work my ass off for the blogshop now. (Fyi, I'm working with Cheang and not working for Cheang.)

Ps: Don't worry Cheang, I still love you (:

The very last time

2010-03-21T06:44:00.002+08:00

Firstly, I have to wish my ex-best friend, Koh Jing Shi, a Happy Birthday for the last time. Well, I know it's belated at this date, but whatever, internet sucks at the Chalet. Okay, at this current moment, I lack sleep so I'd probably be super cranky later. But, whateff.

Secondly, I'll be going home in like 3 hours time, ain't that great? Thank god. But the shitty part is that I can't sleep yet, because I have to bring Pepper (yes it's capitalised, because it's a dog, you dumbass) to the pet store for a grooming session. His nails are getting long, and he terribly needs a bath. Looking at him scratch himself makes me feel like I have to shower! I bet I have to collect him later and then I can finally sleep. Aish.

Thirdly, I have to sleep as much as I can tomorrow so that I can use the whole Monday to finish the gift I have for Amanda Cheang. As I've said to previously or to her, whatever. I have to give it to her before she fly off for Korea on the 23rd. I haven't ask her when is her flight. I'll make sure to remind her to get me yummy food and of course other stuff! Hahaha. I might send her off, but I'm not sure, I think I will if I can make it.

Lastly, Wenjie seems like he is still a kid. I don't know if I think too far into the future, or he is not thinking much of it. I got all irritated because he said really irresponsible things. (eg: I'm not paying for the electricity bills.) Even if you're not paying for it, you should be considerate to the person who is paying instead! Sigh. I cannot understand, is it because his gf is not controlling him enough or what. He is still playing games, as usual. They may not be anyone close to me, (including Stephen) and we might not talk much anymore, but I just seem to be troubled by their issues. During their O levels, all they do is play games. After O levels, got enrolled into ITE, yet still playing games. I really hope they would at least, think about their future. :/ Tired.

ps: I realise, what you told me, what you promised me was all bullshit.

안녕!

2010-03-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Ciaossu! Okay, so I tried typing in Korean. It's literally WTF! Lol, it's so complicated, I wonder how Koreans do that! Aish. Tomorrow I'll be meeting Michael, Amanda and Mariel to collect our Graduation Certificates from the school, hahahah! Anyway, we'll be having breakfast first (: Okay it's been such a long time since I meet them, actually.. not very long, but whatever!

Today I've just created a tumblr account and a me2day account. Both are equally confusing and worse off, one of it is all in Korean. Okay, good luck to me, but whatever. I'm like, having menses, and it's so fucking annoying. I'd be a bitch these days and I bet there will be a lot of innocent (or maybe not) people getting scolded by me, everyday. Too bad, this month's cramp is #$%!%&.

Anyway, I haven't been working on the present that I want to give Amanda. Hahaha, I must get it done before she go Korea, so... fighting! Oh, and Diana thought me how to type Korean, helped me get it done and all, hahaha, Komawayo (as long as you understand :P). There's nothing more I want to say, so bye!

believe

2010-03-15T02:39:00.002+08:00

Many of us live in our dreams, where all things are possible.
(even though reality is harsh)
Believe is all we need.
As long as you believe in yourself, work for it, and you're so gonna make it there.

I am the new "Me".

your lies don't work on me anymore

so what?

2010-03-13T02:39:00.002+08:00

You two(Miss K and Mr H) are so outta my life.

Oh well, it's kinda late now, about 2.41am. I think I might sleep for about, 3 hours then go for a jog at the Reservoir. This song is to express how I feel. Words like : Fuck off, Biatch. It's definitely what I want to tell you. I might not be very hardworking, I don't study very well, but guess what, I'm definitely more than what you can ever be. (Remember that well, Ass.)

Later I'll be having my last Korean lesson, that's pretty fast! I'm going to put my Korean studies on hiatus till I can finally master or probably semi-master the basics. Diana is definitely a big help! I think I should blog a lot more often since, there are still readers to my blog. (That's damn surprising.) Anyway, tomorrow that babo byuntae cheang will be going to Genting, Mich also, aish! I'll be so bored, I don't have a lot of friends to go out with, so this sucks.

Anyway, I must faster start dieting, lol! (I know I've said to start since god-knows-when) But there's only about a month left before Poly life starts, and damn, I sure don't wanna be disgustingly overweight. I've been having gastric problems recently due to my starvation-ness, it wasn't on purpose anyway! It's just because I use the laptop from about 8pm - 6am, sleep from 6pm-6pm, then I only eat one meal, which is dinner O: Haha, so nowadays I'm pretty much always hungry and if I don't eat, I'll get my stomach acidified and stuff :/ So it kinda sucks too.

I've yet to buy new clothes for Poly, I have lots of clothes, just that I can't fit into them, hahaha! I love to buy nice shirts that I can't fit into, I don't know why O: Hehe. Anyway, talking to Diana is like a habit now, hahaha, because every night we talk to each other on Msn about Kpop and such. Ah, I must visit the library tomorrow to return my books and probably borrow some more. (I wonder if reading too much fiction books is bad for me, aish.) I don't have nothing else to say, I've been pretty random, faint.

ps: Apparently, you look horribly old for your age and your skills of disguising your flaws are too crappy, you should probably attend some lessons on how to make yourself look better. But I guess that won't make much difference since your "inner beauty" is equally ugly.

different paths

2010-03-11T21:55:00.005+08:00

Bestfriend issue aside, my ex-boyfriend still isn't answering me. Things have changed, I might need to look for a new bestfriend, I can't just promote someone, because, that'd probably not be it. I guess, I might need to look for one overseas, lol. Friends here, probably don't last as long as I wish it could be. Most of the kids here are just skanky bitches, or betraying shitheads. Well, time to change things in my life.

Okay, the relationship issue. I gave up on him, I can no longer give him anymore of my trust which was what he asked me to give him previously. I gave him without any questions asked, I waited and waited, and what did I get? I didn't receive any love, concern or whatsoever. All I got was being ignored. Haha. I'll embed a youtube video to further elaborate how I feel.

As I've said previously, I'm going to commit myself into the plan that I've made in order to fulfill my dreams. Thanks to my ex-boyfriend, I no longer believe nor do I seek love. Now, and for all, my dreams are all that matters. (ps: waiting for him is stupid, I regretted wasting my time/youth.)

You know what? You once told me you're older than me mentally, but I guess you're wrong. You don't fit to be with any girl, until you grow up (mentally) to know that in a relationship, you can't just do what you want, because for whatever wrong you did, the other party suffers and bears all the pain. Until you know what love really is, that's when you say you're older than me.

I definitely deserve better than what you gave me. (you practically gave me nothing)

bitch reborn

2010-03-10T23:48:00.003+08:00

Hell. Probably people should know why I'm blogging, or whatever, even though I said that I'd update more often, it's just bullshit. That fucking bitch that was at Js blog, I sorta got all annoyed with her. And I got all annoyed with fucked up Kjs.

Yeah, so what if you're working and I'm not. Don't be retarded, who fucking cares if you're with that bastard. What I'm pissed over is nothing to do with me accepting the fact that you and that bastard has been together for a while now. Get that right, bitch! (Yeah, so what if I called you a bitch, I so totally cannot be bothered right now) Yeah, you think you are all damn great and just because you're in a relationship with a bastard so everyone must be jealous of you? Go suck cock. I'm pissed because what, you're being a fucking bitch like you used to, when you have your damn bastard boyfriend you get all, "i've gotten a boyfriend, why should i need friends now". Guess what, which fucking idiots stood up for you when your fucking bastard boyfriends are being total shitheads, well, you probably have no fucking idea now. I jolly well know that i've been putting you down, and i didn't not forget to back you up when you needed me. Guess what, i'm done being a total idiot that stands for someone who don't fucking care about her friends when she got her 'new family'. Yeah right, go fucking complain to your sister-in-law, you bastard boyfriend or whoever, like I'd give it a damn! Us being drifted from each other has nothing to do with your fucking school or your bastard boyfriend. If you have any shit sense right now, you'd fucking know that the problem is not with you, but is YOU.

Got a problem? I wouldn't give you the very bit least damn.
Have fun with your fucking disgusting life. I won't be surprise if you have kids before you graduate from poly or get stomped for your disgusting public display of affection!

SHINee Onew

2010-03-05T21:51:00.003+08:00

This is SHINee's Onew. My new love, hahaha!
Don't you think he is damn cute? I think that he is very cuteeeeeeee. I love his unique voice, I don't know why, it's just very special. Even though he doesn't have sexy abs like, Siwon or Eunhyuk or Heechul, but I like him! (:

About the Jaebum, Nickhun and 5PM thing, I'm tired about it, and I'm just gonna leave it as it is, not to mention that the rest are really good-looking. Oh well, I guess I should comment on them much, beside I'm not even a fan of 2PM..

I'm tired of waiting for him, and he is so rude lah, pissed :/ I talked to him (I wanted to) about the things between us, that I want to give up already. But he just didn't reply me (I was totally ignored -.-), so yeah, whatever. I guess now it's like, friends also cannot be kinda situation. (Totally WTF.) Hate this like hell, why can't everyone just continue to be friends with me like Nicholas Tan. (oh, to mention he haven't treat me to French cuisine yet, ass.)

Tired tired tired, haven't been doing anything since I've quitted, and I think I really need to spend the rest of my holidays doing something useful, aish. I'm really into Kpop and nothing can stop me! Bwahahaha, lol. (okay, I sorta lost my mind for a sec.) Anyway, I want to escape from all these crap, if only I have the money to do so, sigh. I wanna go on a trip, just a sudden trip with no planning and whatsoever, then enjoy life. Lol.

Diana told me she is inspired by me. I guess I shouldn't be a wimp that whines about my life and everything. I'm going to study hard and really gotta go for my dance classes. Shall really make a diet plan kinda thing. Well, right now, I shall pack my cupboard for a start. (it's in hell mess)

Oh, and I got my pay from my grandaunt's workplace, just left the one from GV. I wonder when those ass are gonna pay me. It's been like 7days, I could complain them to MOM that they are late in paying me. Dumb -.-

Anyway, there's a bitch ranting at Js' blog, probably some no-lifer (bet this word doesn't even exist).

Park Jae Bum

2010-03-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

After JYPE's announcement on the withdrawal of Park Jaebum from 2PM, hearts were broken, dreams were shattered, fans are pissed and many are holding grudges against the rest of the 5PM (except Nickhun) As many would know, he is a nice guy and all. Many hottests left being fans of 2PM because of the things that were said during the conference, instead they went to become fans of AOM (the current crew that the living-in-seattle Jae is in). I'm quite disappointed at this result of terminating Jae's contract, I guess I'll support Jae and Nickhun from now on (and i don't really know the rest of 2PM anyway, other than chansung)

Okay, let's talk about me instead since it's been so long since I've blogged. I've decided to stop waiting for Pengjie, and would probably talk to him about this issue soon. I'm jobless because I've quitted the job at GV Grand. I'll still be attending dance classes and all, despite that the Korean class that I'm attending is ending soon. Apparently I'm kinda bored now, I had a long day and I should sleep early.

I'll be blogging more often and currently planning many things like overseas trip, diet plans, chalet, and stuff like that. So bye.

change

2010-01-24T23:02:00.003+08:00

I'm here to blog! Lol, I've been busy with classes these days. Attending my korean lessons on Saturdays, dance lessons on weekdays. Omo!!!!!! Hahaha. Tired, and my grandpa have moved over to my house, so I have to clean the house, clear the room and etc. Having a lot of muscle aches, sprains everywhere. Especially from the hell-ish warm ups we have before dance.

Okay, I might start to diet soon, haha. I guess it's time. I'm getting fatter over the weekend, damn shitty. Because I've been eating quite little these whole week thus I tend to binge on food, whatever I can get my hands on. Hahaha. I think that I should eat breakfast and light late lunch, and I think I would skip dinner. I'm not sure since my grandpa is here, living with me, I'll be having delicious dinners. (Aw, damn!) I'll sort it out for sure, to my advantage of course!

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have not been talking for more than 3 weeks. Totally zero contact. Well, it's okay I guess. Since he didn't contact me, so i don't want to contact him either. I'm not really that desperate. I hope that I can learn to be independent, by myself. I'm secretly planning something. It's a secret so don't ask me. Lol. Byebye! I'll go now.

Fyi, I'm still as obsessed over Suju as usual. Ah, Eunhyuk is so loved. Sexy abs... I'm gonna faint O: Hehe, okay, I'll turn in soon, popping lesson tomorrow. (:

once again..

2010-01-08T22:51:00.002+08:00

After so long! I've finally be not-lazy enough to blog. I've been busy with being obsessed with Super Juniors that I always come back home from work and start to search for videos in youtube. Well, you can't deny the fact that they are handsome and funny. Okay, I shall stop talking about Suju in case I really turn into some addicted freak.

I've received my Dec 2009 pay, well I won't say it's how much lah, but not a lot after paying my mother the money that I owed her. I'm left with little amount of cash, but it's okay, I'm saving 100 bucks and spend part of the rest to treat Nicholas Tan as I've promised him the other time when we went for steamboat. We'll be meeting on Monday to eat Fish and co. (:

Anyway, I'll be attending Korean Language class every Saturday, starting from tomorrow. And I'll also be having guitar lessons on Monday starting next week. My 3 year plan includes Korean, Japanese, Guitar, Dance and probably French. I might think about the French since I think it's a module in Polytechnic. Hopefully my results would be okay!

Results will be out this coming Monday. (Damn shag, so many things happening on Monday!) Well, I hope we all do well. I'm more concerned about myself, being lazy and all. I might have really beat myself up and asking why didn't I study harder! Hmm, I guess it's too late anyway. All I need would be 20points. That's all I'm asking for now. :/

At this point of time, my very strong fan is spoilt. I shall not be too agitated or else it'll bring up my body temperature thus making me irritated in the end. I'm like, waiting for "Alvin and the Chipmunks 2" to load finish. Bored, and Mousehunt isn't making my life any better. Pfth!

The thing about my relationship with Pengjie is really screwed. Haha, we don't even talk to each other now. It's been a week plus, I guess. He is not replying me on msn, or sms. Neither is he talking to me. I'm fine with it, I guess. I'm not as affected as before. I'm really wondering if the feeling has ran away. You know these things about feelings, once it's lost it's not gonna come back easy, and it'll never be the same. Hmm, maybe we both have different perceptions, wants and needs. Perhaps pursuing both of our dreams would be the better decision now. I really have no idea.

Always being aimless and doing nothing constructive, now, I have a dream. I won't be disclosing it to anyone. But I'm working hard for it. I'll stick with it, I guess I can achieve. (The only limit is yourself.) I won't forget this. One day, you just wait. One day, I'll shine my brightest and show you that I made it! :D

P.S - Tomorrow Charis have chalet, I guess I'll be overnight-ing there.

baby!

2009-12-26T20:07:00.003+08:00

Currently I'm at grandma house. Haha, we're having steamboat, pasta, curry chicken, beehoon and rice for dinner. It's like, a feast! Damn, I'm so going to grow fatter and my boyfriend won't want me anymore, hahahaha! I don't think he'd be like that bah, whatever O:

On Thursday I went out with my beloved Bedok Town darlings. We went 85 market to have dinner cum supper. It was kinda funny actually, because we were broke when we go there. Hahaha! That's Charis and me, end up Ttz paid for most of the stuff. So sweet right! Well, that's because I still haven't got my pay, so I'll treat him this coming Thursday (: I love payday. Aftermath Charis went to my house to stay overnight, because it's really troublesome to travel around but since my house is near then she don't have to wake up so early the next morning.

I found a very nice song that was sang by Selena Gomez on youtube. It's a Disney song, damn nice, I don't know why. I guess I like fairytale, haha! Will embed the video later on. Anyway back to the point, my darling boyfriend told me yesterday that he'd be coming back soon, around Sunday or something? I don't know if it's tomorrow or next Sunday. :/ But I guess no matter which Sunday it is, I won't be spending time with him yet. His parents would be in Sg with him, I think..

He asked me to attend singing lessons with him, I don't know if he is being random or he has the same thought as me. I thought that maybe if I go for lessons with him, it'd be like having more time to spend together. But I do think that he would be fine if I didn't go with him too. D: I'm also going to register for some courses, there were 4 courses that I wanted to go. Japanese, Korean, Pop guitar and Piano. Mummy told me that I should attend one language course first because it'd be taxing on me. I guess so too, and I have short concentration span. I guess I should probably get one language and one music course.

I've decided on Korean and Pop guitar. Why(?) Because I'm not financially stable enough to buy myself a piano and I already have a guitar. Korean is because, I guess it'd be harder as Japanese should be slightly easier. As for the singing lessons, I guess if the time is slightly earlier than when I get off from work then I'd still go. I guess I'll just make it up on some other days, work overtime then. Since my pay is calculated by the hours I work. Haha, in order to spend more time with my beloved boyfriend, I guess this little thing I could manage it. (: Then, that makes it 3 courses now. Haha! I hope mummy won't kill me and I hope I won't be too shag.

Awww, I hope this long weekend wouldn't end, dreading the coming Monday. That would be the day that I have to go work again ): Oh, and I want to paint my nails! Hehehe. Gold / Blue? I think both a bit weird. Hehehe. Lol.

Bye. Looking forward for my love to be back! (:

my new loves

2009-12-25T22:23:00.008+08:00

Leeteuk & Heechul

Hankyung & Kangin

Shindong & Siwon

Kibum & Yesung

Donghae & Kyuhyun

Sungmin & Ryeowook

Henry & Zhoumi

Awwww, I love Super Junior! (Okay, I love my boyfriend too, but you know suju has more people.)

I've been addicted to Super Juniors these days, the variety shows on youtube are really funny too! Haha, I found that Suju members are really cute. (and not to mention handsome) Let's talk about Suju members! Hahaha, excited x:

Leeteuk is the leader of Super Junior. He is very nice to all the younger members and he shows a lot of care for them. He doesn't act like all high and superior at all! And he is really cute, he always give himself nicknames. Hahaha. But he is a little sickly, and in some of the episodes of the variety shows he is down with flu and stuff. But still, damn cute!

Heechul is the 2nd eldest in Super Junior! He is really cute, and womanly. He loves pink! He always wear pink or cartoon pajamas. Even though he is kind of rude and has bad temper, he is still super cute! He jokes around and makes witty comments!

Hankyung is the same age as Leeteuk but he is not the 2nd eldest in Suju because I think he joined later or something. Being from China, he speaks Korean and makes a lot of mistakes, therefore he is cute! He also dances ballet and does wushu. Haha, it's like, tough and elegant at the same time. He is talented, handsome and very nice. Heechul always makes fun of his Korean but he doesn't really retaliates.

Kangin is the strongest guy in Suju. He is really cute because he acts like a bully, and a tyrant to the rest of the members. Also self proclaimed that he is Korea number one handsome guy. Haha! Not that he is not handsome, well, there are others who are more handsome. He is really funny too, and not serious, I guess those are his good points.

Shindong! Omgomgomg, he is so effing cute. He is chubby and he eats a lot! Well, he dances really well too, being hmm, plump dancing makes it a little difficult. But he dances really really great. He is really funny and I don't know how to explain, but he is nice to everyone. Always getting bullied though.

Siwon is damn handsome. He plays sports and he is so effing tall. Even though his legs are awkwardly long, his dimples are so cute. He is the tallest guy in Suju and he is forever with his redundant hand actions. Well, he is always trying to keep his good image on screen whereas everyone is always bullying him. Him, being the gentleman always don't mind. Haha, hot!

Kibummieeee! He is so hot, don't you think so? Even though his eyes are like, always very horrible looking. But when he smiles he makes people faint. He is super super super cute, and he can speak English quite fluently too. He is hot to the max!

Yesung is the forever wanting to be acknowledge as a strong character in Suju. He is very confident and thinks that he belongs to the better group of members in Suju. His voice is so deep and sexy. Damn hot. Even though he is also bullied and all, he is still very cute.

Donghae is very funny, even though he don't appear on screen much but he is cute.

Kyuhyun doesn't have much screen time of those variety shows, I guess it's partly because of the accident they had and he is most badly injured guy. Aww :/ But he is really hardworking. If he thinks that he is a burden to the group he'd practice a lot in order to make it up while others are fooling around and stuff. So sweet!

Sungmin is damn damn damn cute! He is like so cute lah, I don't know how to explain. But he is nice to everyone too. He cooks for Shindong and he is like a big brother to Ryeowook. They look alike, and even sound alike too [:

Ryeowook is so effing cute too! Because of his voice and him being short. Haha, his voice is very unique and well, as others said, womanly. Actually I don't find his voice womanly. But he is cute alright! He like the small brother of everyone in Suju. He is very timid at times and quite funny. Love him (: Henry plays godly violin. The first time I saw him was on 'Zong yi da ge da'. Even though his dance was a bit dumb. But his violin rocks. (his dance was from don't don) Cute guy.

Zhoumi, I don't really know about him. I guess he is new or something, like Henry. Henry and Zhoumi are those that I've never seen before, until recently. Hmm, doesn't matter.

ZOMG! and I found out I've missed out one guy!!!!!

Eunhyuk is like the cutest guy in Suju. His jokes and actions are so funny. Damn damn damn cute. His smile is really nice, his hair is also nice and he is quite fit too. Hot guy, love him! He is always bullied by Kangin. But I guess he is used to it already. Haha, even though he is not the most handsome guy, but whatever. Muahh!

----------------

Okay, and for the things I want for Christmas, I guess I shall upload it now. I hope people would get it for me though. It's okay if they don't, Hmm, I guess I just have to get it on some other special occasion or by myself D:

I love __ Tee!

I hope I could get a few actually. Hmmm, I love my boyfriend, I love my family, I love my friends. I guess there's still more. But I think, well, I shall stop now then.

Guigui's Star ring.

I wanted it because it looks nice. Haha!

Fahrenheit's smiley ring.

Isn't it cute! Omg, I think it's a little ugly but adorable. :D

Boys before flowers or Boys over flowers necklace!

Omg lah, I also want this necklace. Not because it's cute and all. Because the story behind this is nice.

Lomo Camera (Lucky Barbie)

I want this camera because it's damn chio, so are the pictures that comes out.
Please get me one x: Hehe. It's 29 bucks from this blogshop
I don't mind if you wanna get me a 2eyes lomo cam + lucky barbie! Haha, cause got promotion (:

Tell me if you're getting me a presentttttt :P Tyvm!

15

2009-12-19T22:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I had dinner with Nicholas. Apparently he is my ex-boyfriend, I don't get why everyone thinks that he is my boyfriend. Anyway, he treated me to steamboat, so nice right? Just because of a random statement like : Eh! Buy me dinner. Haha, he changed after we broke up, he became really nice. He even peeled prawns to cook for me. Then he got all worked up because the place we go didn't accept nets or visa. So he started swearing after we paid in cash.

Decided to walk around Bugis street and Junction. I paid a bit for the dinner because he didn't have enough cash, so he paid for my stuff later on. We went to buy nail polish because I was greedy. Haha, for a girl, there are no such thing as too many nail polish or cosmetics. Bought a shimmer gold nail polish from skin food because Nicholas insisted that it's better than The Face Shop :/ After that bought snacks for my mummy and train-ed home.

Today, I'm suppose to head down Ion to find Amanda because she is working there. Then I sort of slept till 4.30pm. Hehe, I'll go find her tomorrow. I hate orchard but I guess, I shall go for her. Anyway, my boyfriend has been kinda irritating these few days, probably too busy to talk to me as usual. Sigh. Tired. Monday got to go work again, and today is already Saturday! Weekends are so short, but I'm looking forward to Jan, for payday and my love will be back in Singapore <:

-------

This youtube video, which is Fifteen by Taylor Swift. I kinda chanced upon in today when I tuned in to Mtv. (Oh, I got cable tv again! Bwahahah.) Hmm, many things happened when I was younger, things that made me feel stupid now. When I was 14, I believed everything and anything. I thought that I'd marry the guy I love at that point of time. But then, things didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be. There are bound to be things that I've regretted and the consequences of being naive is experienced. Now, I'm 16. I don't believe in forever love, true love and I don't believe that the guy I'm in love with now is the guy I'd be marrying later on in life.

Yes, I strongly believe that true love don't exist, it's bullshit. Because I've been there. Everyone will have a point in their lives where they given their all, yet everything is wrong, nothing will be given back. Tears were shed, hearts were broken and despair were felt in the past few years. Lessons were learnt and mistakes will be avoided. Hope is there, dreams are yet to be fulfilled. I'm too young and the relationship I'm having isn't very strong, thus for those who are talking about marriage, I guess you're just living in your dreams and putting on pressure for your partner. Eventually it'll create tension and cause break up :/ (I don't even know why i'm talking about all this -.- ) Oh well, it's not a secret that I'd want to get married when I'm 21 and give birth when I'm around 23. <:

I would give up my everything to be your anything.

super girl

2009-12-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

Haven't been in touch with the world these few days because I've started working, and I probably go out of my house around 8am in the morning and reach home about 8pm at night. After being online on msn, play my mousehunt and watch my shows, then it's time to sleep :/ Sad case eh..

Apparently my boyfriend is still in China, and he have no idea how much I miss him. Sigh, so everyday I'm working at redhill. I swear it's damn effing tiring even though I don't use much energy! That's like the dumbest part because I get all sleepy when I'm doing the things slowly, but there is not much to do so I have to do things slowly in order to act busy, you see... Bored like hell.

Okay, so let's count my salary <: Hmmm, I work 4 days, and I earned about $175! Haha. I'm thinking if I should get a camera when I get my salary, give me some opinions lah. Anyway, tomorrow Nicholas is gonna treat me dinner. Hehehe, because I asked him to, lol! I suggested yuki yaki buffet, then he suggest steamboat. O: I anything lor.

I just worked 9 hours today, kinda tired already, reached home about 10pm, I guess I'm really very tired. Every single day when I take a bus home, I sleep on the bus, haha. Then I think the person who sit beside me confirm very irritated. But I don't care, who ask them sit there, and they seriously can't blame me for sleeping what, I wake up early everyday! Somemore my bus ride is about 1hour to 1 1/2 hours leh D:

So, if i'm not going to sleep now, I have to die tomorrow. <: Have fun working, me!

P.S - I love handsome guys in Super Junior! Hehe, addicted to super junior M's Super Girl.

i'm a happy girl <:

2009-12-09T20:47:00.007+08:00

I miss my cute, crazy, fun, dumb, perverted Bedok Town peeps.

Khalil Fong and 达浪 is my new love :B

Okay, so my very silly and cute boyfriend talked to me for quite a while yesterday on msn. That's after I told him I just finished blogging bad about him >:] Hehehe, I know I'm quite evil, but as everyone knows they just can't stop loving me. LOLOLOL. It sounds so dumb coming from me, bahhhhhh.

Anyway, boyfriend says he loves me a lot, he'll never cheat on me and will not stop loving me. Hmmm, everyone shall be my witness! He is dead if he ever cheats on me ): Well, guess I was on cloud 900 yesterday. He is driving me insane with his super sweet words. That dumbo doesn't know I'm like going "AHHHHHHHHHHH! OMGOMGOMG!" in my mind x: Guess I'm just a small girl after all, one that's in loveee.

Hmm, anyway, Khalil Fong and 达浪 is my new love! Hahaha, they look soooooo cute, don't you think so? I think I just have something for guys that wear spectacles, lol. Later i'll show you another picture of my boyfriend :P Well he doesn't have much pictures of himself only, so it troubles me! I have to crop out his picture from another picture, how annoying. :/ I'm gonna take lots of pictures of him next time.

Well, Jingshi's dad is hospitalized. I heard that it's because of his heart, it beat too fast, thus he went to the hospital. And today his heart beat too fast while he is having his dialysis. So currently he is in the ICU. Taken that he is already old and has kidney problems to consider, I hope he is okay. Anyway, Jingshi is an ass. Such a huge matter and she didn't tell me or Amanda! Dumbass, she just posted it on Fb and what? Wait for people to ask! Rawr, angry. I told her off and she obviously doesn't get the point. It's like so serious and she didn't even took the initiative to tell us. So now what? I'm like one of some random friend on Fb, or on the par with her beloved ZhiJian. Pissed.

This is my biggest love of all.

I feel shy when I'm with him. I can't look at him straight in the eye. I can never dare to hold his hand. I think of him every second of the day. I dream of him. I would find him very cute, when he is being serious. I would find him silly worrying at the most redundant thing. I will wait for him. I will love him like he is my first love. I laugh at him at being irritated because I called him a pig. I would stare at his face and listen to him snore (yes, he does snores :P) when he is asleep. I can stare at his sleeping face for hours and not feel the least tired. I like the way he held on to my hand firmly even when he fell asleep. I like the way he act when he just wake up. I love the way he acts cute. I like it when he lies on my lap. I love it when he tells me he loves me. I feel secure when he is with me. I feel at ease even when he leaves me alone to dota. And the list goes on...... I just love my silly boyfriend (:

baby, i love you

2009-12-08T23:10:00.002+08:00

ignore my messy computer room ^^

I'm still looking for a job, tough luck i guess :/ Anyway the above picture is taken with my webcam, thus the retarded quality which wasted my time in editing it.

My boyfriend has been an ass these few days, firstly he said that my prom pictures which was previously my msn dp looks scary! ($#%#$^&#!) I thought I looked okay, quite nice okay. Then he say I look scary because my eyes are quite big and etc, blah blah. I can't remember :/ Felt like scolding him cause i was a little pissed but didn't, and last time he told me that he liked my eyes. Dumb pig. ):

SCARY MEH!? D:

Okay and yesterday I was in a super good mood, because my boyfriend for no reason, and out of the blue msn-ed me "WO AI NII". It was pretty random and I wanted to reply with, "Wah, you crazy? Why suddenly say that to me?" Lol. But I guess I shouldn't because he is being sweet for once.. Then I just reply him ilyt. Hmmmm, I've no idea what to say. I was lost.

My boyfriend has this very extraordinary trait. (one that he doesn't know) Every time he acts like a jerk, being very not-boyfriend-ish for quite some time, he makes me feel all desperate and i'd feel like giving up.. But every single time when I'm on the verge of breaking into tiny bits, he'll do something sweet to surprise me. And... I'll just forgot about the times he made me sad and love him more than before! (I know people would be like, "omg girl! why you so dumb." Hahaha.

About the issue on why I'm so dumb(?) I don't know, hahaha. I guess I'm those who learns the hard way, I guess. I'd give in my 100 percent until I'm broken. :B Hehehe! Okay, and my boyfriend thinks my "o.o" face is weird. - IT IS NOT! I like it lor, I think it's cute lor, box you uh.

I'm waiting for my boyfriend to have free time, tough luck too :/ Just like looking for a job. I've waited for five months and two days already. My dearest dearest boyfriend, when will you notice me? ):

Khalil Fong is my new love O:

Happy birthday my love

2009-11-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, Love.

As everyone knows by now, Pengjie has flew to China. I already expect that he wouldn't tell me or say goodbye or anything. So I'm not really very sad over it. Anyway, Monday would be Prom Night. I don't know, feel very excited about it! It's like, going to be so effing fun lah.

At first wanted to go clubbing after prom, but i'm not sure already, I hope I won't be too tired by then, hahaha. Probably won't go also, depends. Went out with Amanda and Jingshi just now to shop for prom outfit. I thought I could find something that fits and it's nice. I guess I really need to go on a diet. :/

So, I bought the same pair of shoes as Jingshi. Because it's like the second nicest design there, even though the heels are a bit too short for me. I saw a polka dotted peeptoes. I love it! However, the biggest size is 38, but I wear 39. So it makes me feel damn sian, it's very comfortable and the heels are quite high.

I bought a top and a dress. Both fits me not comfortably, but I guess I can't get much anyway. At first I bought this top which has lace, I think it's quite nice, it's a tube. It's a bit tight around the chest area, but the rest is fine. It's a bit short to wear it as a dress, so I'm not going to wear it to prom, even though I really like the design. The dress is just a typical satin-like material dress. The most horrible thing is that both of them reveal my fat arms :/

So i'm going to wear a half-cardigan with the dress. I don't know if it'd match, I don't care anymore. Hmm, it's just for this one night. If I could, I would just wear a tee and fbt. But like very embarrassing since it's a hotel at Terminal 3. Hahaha, will see how it goes, will try to take a lot of pictures. (:

As for my dearest silly boyfriend's birthday message:
Hey love, happy 16th birthday. I know I'm older, you don't have to accommodate me by saying that I'm mentally younger kay. I know I can't get to celebrate your birthday with you, this year. And even though I'm a little pissed with you not saying anything and go China again. I love you. I know we have very little in common, and I'm not a very easy person to please, I may be childish and spoilt at times, I love you. In fact I love you so much that I think of you everyday, miss you at any random moment possible. Time passed really fast, without us knowing, we've been together for almost 5 months now. Even though the time spent together isn't much, even though not all of our thoughts are shared, we'll still be together. I'm sorry for being a bitch that is too emotional the other day, before we stopped talking to each other for a week. :/ I really hope you can spend more time with me in the future, even if you're busy, at least show some concern? I'm like a high maintenance person, I really really need attention from you. Okay, last but not least, you'll be in for many surprises when you come back to Singapore. You just wait and see! Oh, and if possible, I want sleep with you again, s-l-e-e-p. (:

Lxy loves Hpj more than he can imagine.

No school, no homework

2009-11-21T16:11:00.004+08:00

Photo deleted.

These few days been going for interviews at places that are like so effing far away :/ Nothing much anyway, applied for a few jobs, waiting for people to call me lor.. There is like nothing to do, and i'm broke so this sucks. I really hope i get the Mini Toons job, because basic pay is $1.1k and still got commission! Hahaha, I guess I really want to go Taiwan bah.

Grandpa will be going China for a week, Hai nan island or something, he will be flying at 28th. Hmmm, Mummy is giving grandpa $200, don't know how much will Aunt give. Oh well, I told Mummy if I get the job next week, then you help me give Grandpa extra 100$ lor, then after I get my pay then I return you. (:

Hmmm, I'm really bored lah, no school already, no holiday homework. Still got prom, haven't buy dress x: Heh, after prom going clubbing also, really very excited lah. I think I'll get a 3inch or 4inch heels? I hope I won't fall to my death only. Hahahaha. Looking damn forward for prom..

Okay, so It's been 6days since I last talk to Pengjie. Sigh, he probably doesn't care at all bah. It's like, him ignoring me, is making my confidence waver. Sometimes I even doubt myself if I'm a good girlfriend, or maybe just a controlling bitch. If only ctrl+z works in my life, I hope I can restart everything, probably that way, I can make it all better..

How long will his love last? How long can we stay together? How many times must I be advised to break up with him? I really really really wonder. I also don't know when I would lose all hope and just stop waiting for him. I know he waited for me for quite some time, is this my share? I wish I could lie to myself, he is busy but he cares about me. But reality likes to slap me in the face.. I really want to cry, again.. But after crying for so many times, tears don't seem to flow anymore. My tear glands are probably tired, and all worn out.

You dumb pig, I'm tired, I miss you, do you care? _
(I really wish to put an emoticon there, but nothing seems to express the sorrow I feel;)

How long will love last?

2009-11-18T23:06:00.003+08:00

Since that day, We didn't talk. It's kinda irritating actually.. It's driving me insane. It's like there are thousands of questions in my mind, most of it is about you, and us. Thinking if things between us will be alright, thinking if this argument is going to end it all, thinking if you are going back to China soon, thinking if you'd contact me before you go China, thinking if you even care about me, thinking if that question really bother you. I'm crazy.

I miss you, I really do miss you. You're an asshole, seriously. Do you know what you're making me go through? Maybe you can not talk to your girlfriend for months but I can't. I C-A-N-N-O-T. Everyday these months I've been wanting to see you, wanting to hear your voice. I can't understand how could you not feel anything. Frankly speaking, you're tearing me apart :/

It's been so long, I almost forgotten how you look like. It's been so long, that I don't remember how your voice sounds like. It's been so effing long that I can't remember how I fell in love with you. It feels as if you're not making any effort, it's just me being some one-sided bitch who is unreasonable and demands attention. I'm still waiting, waiting and waiting. Have you forgotten my existence?

Those who saw my phone would know I put your picture as my wallpaper. Every time I look at my phone, I see your face and it reminds me how long I've not seen you. It's been 4 months plus. F-O-U-R. I'm tired, I'm sad, I need your fucking attention. I'm not some non-living thing like your guitar. So you're interested in learning how to play the guitar, so probably you're not interested in me I guess. Since i don't even take up 1% of your time.

This is me, and it's just how much I worth.
I wonder how long will love last?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Today went out with Christine and 4e1 gang. We went Pizza hut in Bedok. Christine treat worrrr O: Hahaha, so long never see her already, miss her much! Hmm, after that went Parkway Parade, go walk walk because Amanda is bored. Went to buy some chocolate puff from four leaves, 2 H-U-G-E sausages from cold storage. Amanda insisted in going Comics Connection -.- If you have brains then you'd have guessed that she go buy Wondergirls' stuff. :/ So we spend some time there and blah blah.

After that went Giant to buy mushrooms because Amanda, THE PIG wants to eat mushrooms and ask me to cook for her. Then bought fruits for myself because I want to go on a, no-carb-no-meat diet. Went to Crabtree and Evelyn to spend my birthday vouchers. I bought Lavender hand remedy cream and a can of Hazelnut cookies. The cookies are great, just tasted it when I reached home (: Okay, that's all for today, it's rainy, it's cold and it makes me emo :/

Bye.

it's happening again..

2009-11-12T00:07:00.002+08:00

O levels are coming to an end, great! Finally it's over, tomorrow will be my last paper. The first thing we're gonna do is dye our hair, paint our nails and i think i'll have have a mask too. I went for a job interview at Suntec, Toys'rus just now, then had Astons for dinner. I'm actually broke already D: Oh well, I guess I have to borrow money from mummy then.

I've changed my way of blogging already, because i think it'll be better this way. (: Had been playing nbs recently, it's Newbornstory actually. Made quite a lot of new friends, it's fun! I don't know what else to blog about, everything seem unimportant to me. Will be going to look for jobs next week, if anyone have job to intro me, please do (: I want to expose myself to more options in order to compare and decide on the best job, pay and job scope wise.

Pengjie would be going back to China soon. He told me his results aren't good, so his parents are unhappy. I guess there goes the chance in meeting him before he flys off. Sometimes, I get really irritated when he treats others with more importance. I get really angry at times, but I guess i'm bias, I don't flare up at him or anything. (I'm very nice.) I don't know if this made him take me for granted or something.

But seriously, which dumb girl would wait for you for 4months just to see you for one time, and doesn't flare up at you because you forgot her birthday, forgot that you're meeting her, or you ditched her at the very last minute. I guess I'm a moron then -.- A very moronic moron.

My dearest boyfriend, I have feelings too. I know it's been hard on you to make time for me, but think, feel for your conscience, haven't I been giving in? It's not as if I force you to entertain me when you're super busy, but can you place me of more importance than your guitar? I cannot get it why you can guitar till late night but you can't make the time to talk to me. I know your parents are in Singapore, I'm fine with msn. Even so, I'm not your toy you know? When you please, you entertain me with your words, and when you're not? You just ignore me. Sometimes I really feel like swearing at you, I really do. Well, in the end I didn't, want to know why? Because I don't want you to think of me as some barbaric woman. If you were to seriously were to think, how many girls would wait like this. How many would tolerate and endure so much just to see their boyfriends? I don't think that i'm asking a lot, neither do I think that I'm unreasonable in this sense. How often do I get to see MY boyfriend, thrice a year? ): Sigh, just stop ignoring me you ass.

Get nails done, get hair done, get a job, go on diet. All must be achieve before Nov ends.

finally!

2009-11-03T11:50:00.003+08:00

Today is Tuesday, a somewhat lonely day for me.
Because today only have dnt paper, thus, I have to go to school alone D:

Curiosity kills the cat.
I guess it's quite true.
Sometimes, it's better to know less.

I'm quite bored actually, I can't get electronics in my dumb, stubborn brain.
Was a little annoyed yesterday, you shall not know why.
Well, since I've said I would stop caring.
I shall really do that. Since, it's none of my business anyway.
I can't stand being a hypocrite, it's quite - #$%#$.
If I could just swear at you, I'd not hold back :/

Okay, now talking about last week already.
It's not really the end of all papers, just that I've given myself early holiday.
After this Friday, I've only left with Chinese and Science Mcqs.
Only have to bother about Bio, Physics and Chem got no hope.
Oh well, I think it'll be quite manageable.
I'll also study for those subjects, but I can start to enjoy myself.

This Saturday might be going out with Pj.
Next Sunday will be going to Michael's church and helping Ahyi do some things. (:
Probably will be working by November, who knows!
I guess, I should start to change everything.
My way of writing, dressing, and etc.

I wanna go Taiwan :D (Got money first, then talk. ^^)

---------- UPDATE! ----------

I just had dnt paper, it was surprisingly manageable.
Later, I've got to study for geography paper tomorrow at 2pm.
Great, I hope I won't die after Physics paper because it's too boring!
Oh well, Mdm Wong called and sms-ed me just now, ask me about the paper.
I hope I can score well. I did finish the paper.
Electronics is $%#&$. I don't really know how to do D:

Okay, now is to update from the previous post.
-
Tee Ting Zhang - Good friend
TTZ! Haha, I finally got to write this already. I know we haven't been talking much in the past years and this year suddenly become weirdly close. But it's okay. Well, thanks for sharing your 'secrets' with me. Bwahaha, well, you're a nice guy lah. Even though I might not get to know you more or something like that. But well, next time we can ask everyone go 85 market eat again luh. :D Don't smoke ah! D: Hope you get can successfully be together with uh, whoever your target is now ^^ Good luck for your last few papers, and all the best getting into your desired course (:

Lxy is insanely in love with Pj :D

you're the cutest boyfriend ever :D

2009-10-30T22:10:00.005+08:00

Koh Jing Shi - Best friend 1
Hey stupid pork, you may not be the greatest best friend, but thanks for being there when I needed you. Be it listening to me sing, talk crap, being random or cry. I may be unreasonable and crazy, maybe a little hot tempered at times, it's because I care. (: Sometimes you're irritating because you're so no life! Rawr, stop cooping yourself at home and go out with me >: If I scold you or objected you and some weird guy being together, I have my reasons. Well, you just have to blame yourself for getting to know such protective friends! Bwahahaha, love you.

Amanda Cheang Jin Yee - Best friend 2
Hey pervert! :D You may be the least tolerable person on my friends list, but don't worry, I still love you. Haha. Even though we may be the most mismatched pair in the entire universe, well, everything went well anyway. You got to stop being so pervert kay, haha. And maybe start to think of things other than women with long and fair legs. Sometimes, you keep nagging at me to study and all, I appreciated it (: Hmm, thanks for teaching me algebra manipulation, standing up for me when guys are being jerks and when people bully me, keeping me company whenever I need one and being spontaneous with my crazy ideas!

Michael Young - Best friend 3
Zhong Yong Yi! You may not be the most manly guy I've met, or neither are you the bravest guy I know, don't worry I still love you like how I love Cheangcheang (: You may have your flaws as a guy, but you're surprisingly polite, helpful, and gentlemanly! You are one of those guys that will help me carry my stuff, one of those guys that will help me when I needed help, one of those guys that will keep me company when I'm not in the mood, one of those who will make me laugh when I'm sad, one of those that will talk crap with me, one of those who will share secrets with me and one that will let me scold when i'm in a bad mood. Thanks for being so nice. I may not be the nicest female friend you have, but well, i'll be there for you when you need me. :B

Mariel Anne Francisco Manniclang - Best friend 4
Greetings pig number 5! :D Haha. Mariel, you may not really be my best friend because I don't really understand you very well. But we have some things in common, we like sarcasm, we both share the same sense of humor and etc. If there is a chance, I'd want to really know you though. Thanks for being in my life, even though you make me crazy at times, hahaha. I enjoyed the times when we use the class computer to browse failblog. Thanks for helping me with my studies, you're one of the smartest friends I have :D (ps, I don't know if I spelled your name correctly :P)

Stephen Soh Qi Cong - Best friend 5
SSQC, hahaha. You are the most irritating guy I know lah! Always bully me, always scolding me and always being there when I needed you. Thanks ah. I really appreciated you always making me laugh when I'm sad, being annoying and getting on my nerves. Thanks for acting cute and being the voice of your dog to entertain me. Now I don't like you anymore, that doesn't mean I won't disturb you (: Be nice to your girlfriend ah, quit smoking also >: Study hard kay! (:

Kong Wen Jie - Best friend number 6
Kuku! :D You may not be the sweetest guy, or the guy that knows what to say to a girl when she is sad. Thanks for being there when I needed someone to listen to me cry, listen to me whine, listen to me scold you, listen to me talk about my troubles and amusing me when you get all frustrated because you don't know how to stop me from crying. :P And my voice is cute, I know. Hahaha, I don't think that guys really like cute voice anyway. I think I sound rather man now :D Have more confidence in yourself kay. Thanks to your girlfriend you finally stop cooping yourself at home -.- Hmm, thanks for being there when Stephen is being a jerk :D Hahaha. Anyway, last long with Kai Xin! (:

Nicholas Tan Jun Wei - Best friend number 7
Asshole! x: Hahaha, Thanks for being just a wonderful ex boyfriend, even though not really my best friend. Even though you were really a jerk when we're together. I'm glad that you've changed anyway. Thanks for being there when I needed you. Thanks for calling me for no apparent reason to ask me to check TOTO for you -.- And just call me for no reason to have a chat with me. That day when you webcam-ed me, those things you wrote on the board was really nice. Even though being an asshole like you, I still love you. Well, as a FRIEND. (: Jio me out some time kay.

He Peng Jie - Boyfriend
Heyhey! Hmm, you know you may not be the best boyfriend, but you're definitely the cutest :D Most of the things you do may not make sense to me, but don't worry, I do love you. (: I may not be the best girlfriend, but thanks for tolerating my unreasonable-ness and immaturity. We may not know each other for very long, probably 2 years or so, but I don't know much about you. You told me you will make it up to me, I believe you. You told me, "um, k you're sick of seeing me say sorry anyway, i know, i haven't been much of a boyfriend, and and, i made you cry countless times too, i'll really try to make up for it, from now on, i do love you (: " That is very sweet kay! I'm sorry for being somewhat, very paranoid. I'm sorry for being kinda obsessive, I'm also sorry for not being understanding enough. I love you. Prove to me you're different from other guys kay. (: And, I'll give you many chances, I promise you that I won't say "I give up, let's break up" or whatsoever unless you want it. (:

-----------------------------------------------------

I'm in the midst of O levels.
Just a few days before the start of it, I feel like it's nothing.
I'm not even nervous. I'm just taking it easy.
I know it's wrong, but I did study.

English paper was horrible!
Maths paper one was okay, but maths paper two threw me off.
I am disappointed with the careless mistakes I've made and I hope to pass.
Hoping doesn't help, I've got to study.

I did study today, I guess it didn't help much.
I guess I shouldn't think much about it anymore.
All I've left to do now is to give my best shot.
If I got to retake again next year as a private candidate, I'll have to go JC.
No matter what it takes. [:
Lxy, work hard!

Okay, Lxy is on a diet! Eating at least one meal a day and at most 2 meals a day.
Eating lesser of carbohydrates, and more of fruits and vegetables.
Loving Tau Kwa as usual. Good luck to me! (:
No kfc, no sweet drinks from now on.
(God, this will be so horrible! D: )
I'll only stop this process when I reach my goal.

Very hungry now, shall go and update facebook status.
Thanks to my very very cute boyfriend, I'm quite obsessed with mousehunt D:

I love you all.

bloody, i'm sick.. again.

2009-10-18T18:01:00.002+08:00

Hello, lazybums!
Hahaha, I'm sick again, Lol.
Today, woke up and my stupid throat hurt like wtfzx ):
Very sad, hahaha. Then I go find mummy and whine.

Hmm, okay, I know I very lame. Oh well -.-
Tomorrow is Monday, then must start studying.
Part of me dread this studying part, the other part wants O levels to faster pass ~
I don't know, I hope I'd be prepared by then!
Die, hahaha, I nearly forgot that I'm suppose to go school on 22nd Oct.
I hope nobody forgets though! ;D

I'm in the first shift for science practical on 22nd.
Meaning I have to be in school at 0730 and release at 1330.
I think it sucks, Lol. But at least I can study in school (:
I hope I'd be disciplined these final week.
God, help me! hahaha.

I'm going to use com till tomorrow morning..
Then prolly sleep for around 6hours? Then I shall start studying!
Later I'm gonna plan a timetable like thingy.
Jiayous me, jiayous 4e1!
I hope they text me the day before practical in case I forget :P

Buh--bye!

P.S. - I hope I won't be sick during O levels. D:

Lxy is a crazy bitch.

love sick

2009-10-17T20:56:00.003+08:00

Maybe I need new best friends, hahaha.
Sometimes, my best friends are kinda annoying!
Hmm, yesterday Jingshi refused to go study -.-
Today, Amanda tried to force me say that i love her.
Lol. Pigssssssss.

These few weeks, our class seemed more close, I kinda miss them alr.
Sigh, I hope time would just stop on Thursday..

Hmm, I miss Pengjie! Lol.
I know I keep saying saying and saying..
So what if it doesn't make any difference, hahaha.
It's like a constant reminder to myself, somewhat, it's what pushing me on.
I can't wait for O levels to come, even though I'm not fully prepared.
I can't wait for O levels to finish.
I can't wait to work, I can't wait to travel, I can't wait for prom and etc.

Everything after O levels is so tempting.
Sometimes, it's kinda scary too.. (you'd know what i'm talking abt, lol.)
I hope everything turns out well.

Dad says I can play computer till Monday, then I study the whole week.
I doubt that I'd go out study, if i need help, I think i'll ring you guys up.
Text me if you need me, Lol!
-
Pray hard, study hard, play hard, work hard.
Ciao!

Damn, I love you.

I LOVE 4E1 !

2009-10-15T23:30:00.002+08:00

Hahah, today is the official last day of school.
Daisy is quite affected, she is kinda sad.
Well, I think I'm a little sad too, I really like my class.
Not very sad though, at least I still get to see for O levels and Prom night. (:

I know many of them will fly to some countries to further their studies..
Damn sad lah, like cannot just call them and meet for coffee or something.
Hmm, never mind, internet is a very good invention.
Can webcam lah, video call lah, and etc. :D

I hope we can go out more often, just after Os, when I haven't find job.
Planning to go Taiwan, bring my mummy go HongKong and bring my grandpa go Thailand.
Somemore, Amanda want bring me go Genting also.
Then Michael want me go Indonesia.
Wah, die die die. So many places to go, bankrupt D:
Oh well, study hard now, work hard later, enjoy eventually! :D

Prelim my L1R4 get 27pts.
Damn sian, I hope i can minus around.. 11Pts. !
16 points will be my goal.
This coming week, will work like dog just for this pathetic 16pts.
I hope I can get better than Zj and Js! :D
Lalalala, I hope so. Stupid js alr got A1 for Chinese. (@#%#$%)
Oh well, I can get A2 bah, if i try. Since prelim get 68% (2 moreeeee!)

Jiayous me!
I love 4e1!
4e1 loves me!

I love my boyfriend also, lol.
I don't know if my boyfriend loves me too. (hahaha!)

still sick, still lovesick

2009-10-10T05:44:00.002+08:00

Don't know which pig took photo for me while I was sleeping ~

I guess I have all my prelim results now.

English - B4 (61, i think.)
Chinese - B3 (68/100)
Maths - C6 (53/100)
Dnt - C6 (52.5/100)
Humanities - D7 (46, i think.)
Biology - E8 (41/100)
Science - F9 (i think, most prolly F9 anyway. -.-)

I guessed I did pretty well for prelims even though i failed 3 subjects.
I'm proud of myself, for being able to pass maths and I got highest for dnt.
Got to work harder for science and humanities. I prolly suck at them ):

I was sick last friday, throat infection and flu. I haven't recover yet.
I still have cough and I sound like a tranny. Damn sad.
N levels are over and those normal acad peeps are having so much fun.
Ugh, how annoying. Only O levels are as early ):
I guess next month, I'll start looking for a job. Nobody want to 'yang' me. Haha!
Oh well, when school close for the holiday, the canteen will close too D:
Lxy, say goodbye to good food..

Haha, I skipped dinner, and I'm blogging at this unearthly timing (5.53am).
Well, because I can finally use the laptop, and Charis have to ask me go study.
I agreed because I kinda felt guilty for not studying this whole week.
(Stupid lxy, work hard lah dey.)
Hmmm, I guess Pengjie is studying bah? His exams are starting this coming monday..
Hahah, I need to buck up lah... Annoyed with my dumb and lazy self ):

Okay! I'll try to focus and force myself to study these few weeks.
If I force myself to process all information i'm gonna feed myself, I think i'd do just fine..
Jiayous me. The only limit is yourself !
Hmmm, I guess i have around 2 hours till I wash up and go meet Charis at inter..
Tired, and hungry.. (I skipped dinner.)
I think I'm lacking vitamin C. hahahaha. I miss Pengjie. x:
(I hope he miss me too D: )
Lalala, neck pain. Sian. My zapple is not gas-sy anymore. SAD!
Now it just tastes like, sweetened apple juice. (very sweet.)
Furthermore, I don't like apple juice. -.-
Oh, horror.

Bye!
Gone with many things undone.

i miss my boyfriend

2009-10-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

I heard some things from js, haha, was quite happy bah. (:
I was still 'hu si luan xiang'-ing. Lol.
Perhaps everything is just me bah, as always -.-

I got back my prelim results already, they are better than previous ones.
Hmm, very good news! I PASSED MATHS :D
Hahah, expected lah, I so smart. LOL!
Oh well, Total score I get about 26points bah.
Sad thing is, Michael told me I need science. So, it sucked ):

Studying is what I should do now, I aim to get 15pts.
Even if it's not possible, I'll get around 20? :D
Hahaha, Lxy Work hard ah!

These few days keep going parkway's subway to study.
Had too many cookies, so now got throat infection (i think x:)
Lol, well, shall not go there now bah.
Because school said that they'll be conducting night lessons :D (excited!)
I've always wanted night lessons and stuff, hahaha.

Say goodbye to television, and hi to ten year series :B

I miss my boyfriend, very very much.

He should know that (he's a pig if he doesn't), even if I have an O level paper the next day,

I'd throw aside everything else and spend the day with him.

I hope nothing has changed during this period. x:
Ask me out, ask me out, ask me out. :D

My dearest love, i miss you

2009-09-21T03:39:00.002+08:00

Hey, I've been studying, and sorta got banned from computer usage.
Hahaha, well, I've earned a day, I guessed I should blog. (:

These few days are like, prelims and stuff.
Basically they just give me stress, hahaha.

Linna ahyi's birthday is on 13th Sept.
Charis' birthday is on 17th Sept.
Stephen's birthday is on 26th Sept.
Daisy's birthday is on 27th Sept.
Amanda's birthday is on 28th Sept.
I think I should wish them happy birthday. (:

-----------------------------------------------------

After that quarrel with Pengjie, I've talked to him about it.
I don't know what he is feeling and etc.
He never say, I just told him how I feel.
And I told him that I'll talk to him in 1 - 2 months time.

Sigh, so this week, I've not contacted him, not at all.
Haha, even if I get to online, like now, I didn't msn him.
I seriously, very badly, want to talk to him.
Then I think that maybe I should keep to what I've said.

I think that maybe we both need time to cool off. (or maybe only me)
He is very busy anyway, preparing for end of year exams bah.
And I'm preparing for O levels.
Sometimes, I think that me and him don't have much common points.
At times, I'd also think that we're drifting apart.
Somewhere like just normal friends that have nothing much to talk about.

I told him that after his exams, he should have more time already.
And I told him that I hope he'd care more for me.
Probably it doesn't matter anymore (?)
I actually had a suggestion in mind.
I find that everything is screwed up, about us.
I wanted to say, let's forget everything that has happened, and we start anew.
Haha, naive me.
Maybe after this time, things would be different or maybe feelings might have changed.
I don't know.

Maybe after this time, he would have changed his mind.
Maybe by then, feelings would have faded away.
And we might end up going separate ways..
Honestly, I'm afraid. But I'll accept it if it's really like this. (:

For now, I should probably study for my exams.
Lxy, work hard!

Hey love, you're always on my mind.
All these time, I missed you.
Just to say, I really love you (:

thought through

2009-09-13T19:30:00.002+08:00

I've thought through many things.
I've decided on some things.

All I want now is to clear things with Pengjie.
I shall talk to him later on msn, hopefully it can be done.
Been wanting to talk to him yesterday but he's quite busy, as usual.

I think I don't wish to care about the past anymore.
All I'm thinking about is the future.
I'm going to forget the past, and study hard for now.
1 more month bah, time is short.

And these few days I've been watching funny videos and all.
To get myself back from emoing, hahaha.
The above video is quite funny, I enjoyed it very much (:
Lastly, tomorrow school will reopen, and I'd have to go back to exam mode. D:
Been slacking this whole week, time to wake up and start working hard (:
Goodluck to me for the rest of the prelim papers! :D

You maybe didn't know, I really loved you. (:

tired of living

2009-09-12T15:26:00.003+08:00

Today, there won't be any pictures of anything.
Apparently as you can see, i'm not in a very good mood.
Things are ruin again, by yours truly, Me.

I couldn't help it if things would turn worse.
I asked you to think about if you want to continue be friends.
You know why? Because I feel that i'm making you feel stressed.
And it's not a good feeling if you haven't realise.

Whatever makes you happy okay.
There are like a zillion things I want to trash it out with you.
But I don't think I have a chance anytime soon.
Hmm, I don't know what else I can say.
Maybe I'd regret asking you to make a choice.
Probably your decision wouldn't be what I expected.

I don't know, I'm confused.
I know if you want to just be friends, I'd be very sad.
If you want to continue being together, I don't know what to expect.
Frankly speaking, I'm scared.
Afraid that everything would repeat itself.

Hmm, I hope you can faster tell me what you want.
Because dragging this on makes me feel very terrible.
Sigh. Can you please tell me what you want now?
Can you tell me how you feel?
Can you share things with me, things like your life?

You asked me if I ever wondered how you felt.
Did you wonder how I felt ?
Not being able to see you, not being able to talk to you everyday.
Not knowing what you're going through, not knowing what you feel.

You said you needed time, I tried to compromise.
You said you weren't free, I tried to not bother you.
You said you'd try to go out with me during sept holidays, you didn't.
you told me you'd make time for you, you didn't.
you said you'd be there when I needed you, you weren't.

Can you imagine how i lived through these 2 months?
Can you imagine how i felt when people told me you're not good?
Can you imagine how i felt when almost everyone asked me to break up with you?
And you ignore me like nobody's business?

You think I've not tried tolerating?
You think I've not tried adapting?
Seriously, I wonder if you ever cared for me.
Will my name ever appear in your mind.
Did you ever think of me, if i ate, am i sick and etc?

Everytime you just say you care you care.
And it's back to square one.
What am I really to you?
You told me I was important.
Probably not as important as your friends.

Maybe I'm not good enough right?
Yes, probably.
Let me tell you, it's been more than 5 times I've cried.
And if you never realise, I'm the fucking idiot.
The fucking idiot that waits by the phone for your sms / call everytime.
The fucking idiot that misses you every second of the day.
The fucking idiot that would do almost anything just to talk to you for a few mins!
UNDERSTAND NOW?

I'm tired of being a stranger.
A stranger that doesn't know you.
A stranger that you don't talk to.
If you didn't notice, i'm more like a stranger than your girlfriend.

爱得很深所以心很疼.

Will the rainbow ever appear?

2009-09-09T15:03:00.002+08:00

These few days are quite nice. Especially on my birthday.
My friends bought me presents and celebrated with me (:
I really appreciated that. Thank you guys!

On my birthday, we had lunch celebration and dinner celebration.
Hmm, because some people couldn't make it for the hotpot dinner.
It was a fun day lah! Love my friends :D

Today is Grandpa's birthday.
Happy birthday Grandpa (:
Today is Elizabeth's (my pri sch best friend) birthday.
Happy birthday Lizzie (: Miss you!
Today is Grandaunt's birthday.
Happy birthday Grandaunt (:

Hahaha, apparently there are many things that happened too.
Things aren't going all great with my boyfriend and I.
Hmm, many people told me to break up with him, since there's no point in a sour relationship.
I've no idea, and I don't want to decide on this yet.

------------------------------------------------------

Yes, I've been unreasonable and childish.
How about you?
All your empty promises.

If you seriously went to think about it, (probably not, since you don't have time, as always.)
Do you think we're a couple?
How many times in a week we meet each other?
How many times a day do we talk to each other?
Sometimes, we don't even talk, probably once every few days.
It's been 2 months plus since we've met.

Okay, so you had difficulties. All the time?
It always seems like my fault.
It always seems as if it's me who is the unreasonable one.
Even outsiders think you don't even care about me.
Then what about how I feel?

I'm sick and tired of being like this.
Everyone complains about you, because of me.
It's not as if I don't know you're a nice guy.
Everything is just screwed up. I hate it.
Maybe you can just heck care, but I can't.
Maybe you don't find this important, but I do.

Sometimes, I don't feel like I know you anymore.
It's like, you're a changed person.
And I've been like an idiot, missing you like crazy.
I cannot believe, what I've done all these while.
Waiting for a call or an sms like an idiot?
Feeling so frickin' desperate?

Maybe when you start to care, then you tell me.
I'm not some toy, you play when you have time.
And when you don't have time, you throw me to a side.
I'm a human you know? I have feelings.
You don't know how happy I felt when you talk to me.
Probably, you don't know anything at all.

I've tried to care, I've tried to understand.
Everything I did, was just useless.
Everytime I'm sad, I just pretended to be happy.
Pretended that nothing was wrong.
And you didn't bother to ask.
You can care about the world, but just not me.
Don't you think so?

----------------------------------------------

Hmm, later got to go tuition ):
Hahaha, even though I'm lazy.
I think I sleep too much today. x:
Anyway, I think mummy forgot to write me a cheque. Zzz -.-
Later going to pass by Parkway again, sian.
I seriously don't know what else to write, I feel as if my life is in a mess.
Blah, whatever. I lost the mood to blog. (:
Eh, I updated alr hor, stop nagging at me. [to: everyone]

The sky seems to be falling down, as it breaks into tiny pieces.

i rock your socks

2009-08-28T01:07:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to my 4years-best friend, Koh Jingshi. (:

You know, we've been friends for almost 4 years now.
We survived the storms, the fights we fought.
It's been so long, and who knows what might happen next year.
Even though we had a verbal agreement on taking the same course,
but in reality, we both have different interests, and strengths.

I really hated Nicholas Soh for every shit thing he did.
If I can, I will beat the crap out of him.
But I believe that, that asshole ain't worth my future.

The bio thing, I don't have much comments over it.
I may have a biased view because I don't trust people who say things easily.
You know how you are, he might not.
I know almost everything about you, but he don't.
I don't trust people who only know you for even less than few months,
claiming that they like you? Please, save the embarrassment.

I want you to seriously take everything into consideration.
And I want you to be sure of what you want.
Don't commit yourself to those "play play" only.
Whatever your decision, I'd try my best not to have overwhelming emotions over it.
I might not be the world's most reasonable person, but I can see with my eyes.

If he is really committed and true, he'd try his best to prove me wrong.
Prove himself worthy enough for me to trust him with you.
If he's unable to do that, my impression will not change.
If he ever hurt you, my impression will turn more negative.
It's exactly how I treat Nicholas Soh.

If that guy ever frickin' play you, I make sure he suffer.
And don't be too dumb to let "history" repeat itself.
(you know what I mean, and don't let any other people know,
because they will harbor evil intentions, thus, not being true anymore. [: )

Lastly, KJS. I love you lah. (:

xinying is very very disappointed

2009-08-25T19:36:00.002+08:00

Today, I get to use my laptop back, because I've got to finish the dumb CME project.
Michael asked me to help him do also, great.
I wonder if Pengjie would remember my birthday lor.
This is so frustrating, haha. I'm thinking about this question, over and over everytime.

Anyway, I had mock exams these past Thursday, including this Thursday. (Last one.)
I nearly passed Humanities. I passed averagely for English.
And I think I did pretty well for Combined Science. I suck at Science anyway.

Argued with Dad just now, about him confiscating my laptop.
Those people who just like to assume when they don't know anything.
I hate it very much, don't act one know-it-all.
Whatever you see, might not be the truth. (Shityou.)
Pengjie is kinda making me angry by not replying me at msn.
I had Teachers' Day thingy rehearsal just now, pissed off.
Fucking gay Shafiq (whatever his name is spelled), just go die, tyvm.
I may be open minded, but you're made me feel damn disgusted.

I'm having a headache now, my throat isn't feeling great.
But yeah, that gay is Nicholas Soh's friend. (Brothers?, Who cares.)
They both suck anyway. Stupid sissy.
And he thinks that he can sing oh-so-wonderfully. -.-
Stop lying to yourself, tyvm. Shameless.

Oh well, I was planning not to go home tomorrow, after tuition.
I'm having second thoughts.
Hmm, see how bah. Prelims are coming, DnT deadline is this Friday.
Shit the damn exam pressure ):
My birthday is coming okay! Remember ah. :D
Bye!

I love Pengjie (:

rawrrrrr

2009-08-17T00:46:00.002+08:00

Okay, last day to use laptop. (WTF)
I'm trying to get some things done with my laptop, dots.
Today, apparently seems tomorrow, I'm going to post a picture of my boyfriend (:

It's a bit weird to post his pic and say that I love him because I kinda just 'argued' with him.
Blah. Whatever. I've been waiting to do this for very long.
Because he didn't say anything about it, I'm not going to think that much.

Even though there are lots (i'm serious) of problems and all.
I think, I should be more mature and study for now.
He may not be the world's best boyfriend, I still love him.
(Okay, stop scolding me stupid now.)

Even though, sometimes he's a jerk.
Sometimes he don't talk to me or reply my sms.
Even when sometimes I hate him because he ignores me.
When I start throwing tantrum.
When he's too busy to care.
I still fucking love him (:
It's not going to change, regardless how exhausted I am.

See, you idiot. I love you.
And stop making me feel so tired.
I'm so frickin' captivated by you! :D (Lol. I'm being random. Ah, whatever.)
Get it? I sticking with you till you find me irritating.
I'm so gonna make you into pork, you'll see.

This is the idiot pig that I fell in love with (:

Hahaha, I ripped his picture and edited it. Lalala.
It's not very nice, the way i edited it.
But whatever, his face is there. (:

I. Love. My. Boyfriend.

Banned for fucking life

2009-08-16T19:56:00.004+08:00

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you!

Dad just fucking banned me from using the fucking com.
He says that he's gonna confiscate my com at 12am. (NBCB.)
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I fucking sent you a msg, yet you didn't reply.
This is so fucked up.
And FUCK. I hate life.

Fuck everyone.

Today, I'll be unprivating my blog.
To whoever shit who says I can't unprivate, go to hell.
I can't be bothered anymore. Fuck care about O levels.
Send me to counselling, as if I'd give damn.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unprivated.
Sorry, I've been an asshole.
I'll study from now on, just in time for Os.
If there's a need to contact me, text me.
96980032. Don't prank me, tyvm.
Without computer = Super short tempered.
I'd prolly murder anyone who pissed me off these few days.

you're fading away from me..

2009-08-13T18:22:00.005+08:00

I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad.

Can you stop making feel like some paranoid freak ?
I'm getting very very very very random.
Do you remember you have a gf, which is me?

Sometimes I would think, I would wonder.
If you would even remember my birthday, which is very soon.
I wonder what will happen, if you forgot all about it.
I'm having exams that day, yes. Apparently SS and English Prelims.
How fun eh? On my birthday, Just before the holidays.
You told me you'll find a day, when we go starbucks and you'll tell me about you.
When will that day ever come.

Holidays are coming. Will you be able to accompany me?
Or will be be too busy studying for upcoming exams?
Do you remember that you said you wanted to go Taiwan with me?
Will you be able to go? I don't want to have high hopes.

Today, Charis sent Pengjie a msg.
"hey baby i miss you. I want you to be mine forever. Iloveyou(: "
Apparently it's not the way I message, but I don't think he'd notice.
I wonder what will be his reaction. But he didn't reply.
Even after Charis sent "remember to reply".
I guess, I was affected by it bah.

I've got to quit the bad habit of stalking his Fb.
I'm freaking weird, I know.
What else can I do when he doesn't talk to me and I know nothing about him!?
His Fb status states : "And I'll state something rash, she had the most amazing smile."
(19 hours ago. I don't remember talking to him then.)
I wonder who he is talking about. (Even though I hope it's me. I doubt so.)
Maybe is some other girl bah, perhaps he alr forgotten about me.

I'm seriously very sad lor, I'm like crying lah.
If it's me, I think, I had that smile, once. It's going to disappear eventually, by the way it seems.

Fuck. I just can't stop crying, it's pissing me off.

Seriously. I'm very confused, sad and etc.
My fortune cookie said, " Nature, Time and Patience are the three best physicians."
Apparently, I just need to give time, be patient and let nature takes its course.
It's not working very well for me.

Can you tell me, if you still remember, me?

I swear I'm going to breakdown.
If you don't want any of this already, just say to stop everything.
38th day.

It's me, me, me!

2009-08-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

This is the type of picture you won't see often, because I look damn freaked.

Well, this post is meant for me to describe me and stuff. (:
(I've grown up, you know.)
This picture was taken quite some time ago, no idea why I took this picture anyway.
(Too long ago to remember.)

Everything I typed is 101% honest and it's the true me.
---------------------------------------------

Heyheyhey! I'm Lim Xin Ying. :D (like duh.)
Well, I like to spell my name as Xinying, cause it looks nicer you see.
I really really like books, especially those that capture my attention.
(For example; Prince of Tennis. Judy Blume.)
Apparently everyone tells me that I've got a lot of potential in me.
But I've got attitude problem and I'm lazy. (Yeah, damn true.)

I think that I'm smart, and I won't deny it. (So what if you call me shameless.)
Seriously, I don't really mind how others think of me.
And I care a lot about my appearance, even though it's nothing much anyway.
I hate shallow people, but everyone is superficial, including me.
So I won't go for looks, neither would I go for money.
I wouldn't want someone treating me like crap just because they're rich.

At home, I'm the pampered princess.
I hate being ordered around and I know that I'm a spoilt brat.
I get what I want most of the time, unless daddy goes berserk over me not doing chores.
My family is not rich, even though sometimes I wish it was.
I'm contented with things I have, even though I'd complain sometimes.
(So what if my family is just those average and ordinary family.)

My friends are very much nice and patient.
Sometimes when things don't go my way, they'll be there for me.
Even though I might not be there always, I tried to be there when they need me.
I'm very hot tempered and very stubborn.
(Well, I'm as pampered spoilt brat what!)
My friends act as if they are older than me and I'm just a kid.
They give in to me and tolerated my attitude problem.
Sometimes, I don't get enough sleep or some weird reason, I'd get real pissed off.
At times, I would go ballistic on them too.
So, I thank you guys for being so understanding (:

Apparently, some people find me friendly while others find me scary.
That's because when I'm angry, I get really unreasonable and fierce.
If I would to scold someone, I don't think they'd not cry.
I may not be as friendly as I seem.
I don't really like to talk to strangers, and I don't like to leave my comfort zone.
Actually, I love to make friends, I love company, I love attention.
I just don't like to talk to people whom I don't know. (:
Well, there's always a first..

I really really like sweet-talking :D (If it meant what it's said.)
I like those cute cute nicknames too, like "Baby" or "Piggy".
(Something like that lah. Lol!)
And I'm very zilian, I hope to take many pictures with my boyfriend.
(But he doesn't like to take photos.)
Hmm, I like to meet up often, sleepovers and all. D:
Lalala, just sleeping and cuddling doesn't hurt what.

For my boyfriend, I love him. (I sound too weird right? I feel weird saying this x: )
Oh well, I won't deny that I love him though. Because I really do :D
I'm not sure about him anyway, I believe that he loves me too.
(I don't believe in "love conquers all". Tyvm.)
Even though most of the time, he is too busy to keep me company,
I don't think I'd change my mind. (I'm definitely not gonna regret my decision.)
I'd put my trust in him, it doesn't matter if he isn't perfect.
Because neither am I. Everything just fall into place when I'm with him (:

Okay, another thing. I'm damn open minded. (:
Just go ahead, one day, suddenly telling me that you're gay, lesbian or bi.
(I won't mind :D )
I think that gays, lesbians and bisexuals are cool! (Don't you think so?)
I'm very curious on being a lesbian.
(If I don't have a boyfriend, I might be one! Hahaha.)
Okay, don't scold me because I said I wanted to be a lesbian.
There is nothing wrong with being homosexuals because it's normal.
It's just something to do with hormones.
So what? I won't judge people like this lor.

Lalala, this post is damn long alr.
But still, I love animes :D (and dramas)
I've watched countless of shows. (Animes and dramas)
If I were to list them all down, the post would be never-ending.
So, I'm gonna stop here now. (Soon.)

I've mentioned that I'm playing NewbornMS.
Apparently a guy asked me to be his maple gf, I said anything.
He kept calling me baby. (I hope boyfriend would be jealous :x )
Even Wifey found disturbing that he calls me that.
I'm not cheating on my boyfriend because I didn't call him anything else.
I only called him boy and his ign.
If only boyfriend would play, it'll be great lor.
Oh, and the maple "bf" is a hacker, he helped me lvl 1xx - 201 (:
(Wifey, so don't be surprise that I rb so fast. hahaha.)
It's a private server, hack also nothing one. Don't really care (:
But it's a fun server, I think I'll continue playing for some time.

Some time, I would like to learn how to dota and I'll win boyfriend! :D
(Sorry, I'm quite competitive. I alr beat him in Kungfu pets. Lol!)
Fb games are gheyyyyyy. I want to win him lor, I can't D:
He is too pro in music-related and strategy games )':
He can try winning me in memory based games! :B

Pengjie is my silly cute piggy. (:
I love my boyfriend.